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A dear friend recently gave me an amazing gift, a light blanket made out of repurposed saris. So many differing patterns are stitched together in the most beautiful compilation. Items that had seemed to outlive their beauty and usefulness are given new purpose and appreciation. It calls to mind that no matter how exhausted and spent we are from the many roles we play, there are those to whom we can offer ourselves, whatever condition we might be in. The friend who gave me the sari throw is an example of this sort of invitation, and I love that she has accepted me as I have been, whether full of brokenness and despair, or joy and victory. As the old hymn by Charlotte Elliott says: “Just as I am, though tossed about, through many a conflict, many a doubt, to Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot, O Lamb of God, I come.”

 

I’m also reminded of David Crowder’s song “Come As You Are”. On the rare occasion my pastor leads worship, this song is almost always featured. As one who has seen the ups and down and inward workings of ministry, often having the inside scoop on the disillusioning depravity of all men, he loves this song. He’s continually reminded that the heart of our gracious God is that wherever we’ve been, we can always come back and be restored. So let’s all receive that invitation again, knowing our God could never be disillusioned with us; He knew it all when He chose us as His own.

 

Come out of sadness

From wherever you’ve been

Come broken hearted

Let rescue begin

Come find your mercy

Oh sinner come kneel

Earth has no sorrow

That heaven can’t heal

Earth has no sorrow

That heaven can’t heal

 

So lay down your burdens

Lay down your shame

All who are broken

Lift up your face

Oh wanderer come home

You’re not too far

So lay down your hurt

Lay down your heart

Come as you are

I can still hear my grandmother’s throaty voice singing out the old hymn “In the Garden” (C. Austin Miles, 1912). This was one of many favorites she would choose between as she washed up the dishes from lunch or supper. They were a staple in her communion with the Lord, the reward of her daily walk. Though I was quite young still when she passed away, I often observed her face as she sang, perceiving each song she chose was precious because of her life’s experiences. Between “An Old Rugged Cross”, “How Great Thou Art”, “Just As I Am”, & “I Surrender All”, this one stood out to me most because it showed the Lord’s presence was a tangible reality to her. Her expression was captivated, peaceful and smiling as she came to the words of the chorus: “And He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own. And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other can ever know.” It seemed she would pause each time she came anew to the word “He”, her cheeks almost blushing as those of a young girl in love. In truth, she was. She’d come to know the Lord relatively late in life, after all eight of her children were born and after her first husband had passed away, making redemption all the sweeter.

 
I still love these words, and perhaps because of the memories they evoke, the hymn has become one of my favorites. The title, as well as my grandmother’s fondness for it, came back to me in a beautiful garden in the New Mexico desert, at a camp where I worked a summer in college. I loved to go there in the early morning for my devotions, and it was then I realized the depth of personal meaning the song had for me. At this stage in my journey, I’m struck anew by one particular phrase: “I come to the garden, alone” (emphasis mine). Heretofore I’d perhaps been unwilling to accept its veracity, but isn’t it so true? In trysting with the Lord, we most often come alone, whatever the circumstances of our lives and relationships might be. Though I’ve personally always longed for marriage, and never imagined myself single this long, I’m grateful now for the time I’ve had to singularly devote to these meetings. It’s a gift to get to share my life with Him as its companion: “…and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other can ever know.”

As Christians, we often hear that God is the only one who can affect real & lasting change in our lives. This is one of the reasons we desperately  need a Savior. Not only have we all sinned, but even after we accept God’s salvation, we often still find ourselves trapped doing the very things we hate, as Paul says in his letter to the Roman church. Matt Heard says it this way: “I cannot bring myself to life.” On the other hand, the apostle James tell us faith without works is no faith at all, affirming Jesus’ statement that we will know a tree by its fruit. I’ve found in my own life, I have to not only be willing for God to work in every area, often He waits for me to really desire & pray for Him to work in specific ways. The more I seek Him in it, most often after my own failed efforts, the more quickly He breaks the chains. In some ways, even for the believer, it’s true what actress Carol Burnett once said: “I’m the only one who can change my life; no one else can do it for me.” God asks me to be willing to let Him do His work, but also to work in tandem with Him.

 
In my first few months working in missions in the Dominican Republic, I found myself overwhelmed as never before with humbling progress on the learning curve of culture, language, ministry & relationships. If I had made a list before going, of all the areas in which I hoped God would work on me, He would have hit each one of them & many more. In attending a retreat w/ other missionaries, a veteran YWAM. missionary gave an invitation I’ve never forgotten.  It was something to the effect of: “If God is refining you, if you are finding yourself painfully sifted as wheat through a sieve, surrender. Stop fighting now & allow Him to come do whatever work in you He wills. Only then will He be able to work through you.” I made the decision to follow her advice, determinedly giving up the resistance battle of pride I hadn’t even realized I was fighting, & quickly saw a radical difference in what God was able to do both in & through me. Though I’ve never forgotten her words, still on a daily basis, my attitudes & actions reveal I never truly learned the lesson. I’m still learning to ride in tandem with Him, still learning to surrender & enjoy the ride. As Joyce Meyer would say, “I’m not where I need to be, but thank God, I’m not where I used to be. I’m okay, & I’m on my way!”.  

It’s the word I chose as my anthem for this year: CAPABLE. I saw it printed on a friend’s necklace, and when asked about it, she responded that instead of writing out wordy resolutions & soon ignored goals for the new year, she had decided to choose just one word that would summarize the quality she most wanted to learn to exemplify, and the area in which she most wanted to grow. Just looking at the word gave me chills. Of course, that was it, that’s what I want to be! All my life I’ve felt weak and fragile, been labeled as such by people of influence. In various battles and experiences, I’ve found it to be true, in sickness and in health. Through an intense struggle with chronic pain and illness, I have learned boundaries that provide rest, but simultaneously felt sorrow in allowing the words “I can’t” to define me. My only appreciation of weakness stems from the dependence on the Lord it necessitates. I need Him every moment of the day, from the strength it takes to get out of bed and get moving, to working at jobs that are too much from me. There always seem to be complex relationships that need navigating and to-do lists that are never-ending. I’ve begged to be healed from the inside out, petitioned to be stronger and less-emotional, requested over and over again God would provide someone with whom I can share life’s journey. It seems I’m constantly waiting on His answer and relief, seemingly without answer.
But…He has answered, and assured me as He did the apostle Paul in II Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for YOU, for MY power is made perfect in weakness.” He’s reminded me: “I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:9), and that “His divine power Has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness” (II Peter 1:3). The testimony of my life is not that I am capable, but that HE is. So this year, I’ve chosen my friend’s word to be my resolution as well. I want others to look at my life, even seeing  fragility and brokenness, and see I’ve found Him capable, am finding Him so anew each day. May they see His faithfulness in making my strength equal to the days He’s given me (Deuteronomy). Though the answers never come in the timing and ways I envision, He has provided and proved Himself enough over and over again. It’s true: He’s made me capable. “…We have this treasure in jars of clay, to SHOW that this ALL-surpassing power is from GOD, and NOT from us” (II Corinthians 4:7, all Scripture emphases mine).

http://quoteson.net/you-are-capable/

I love dogs, & currently have a weimardoodle with a greater surplus of personality than I have ever known. She’s very quick to learn, but won’t show it unless she’s sufficiently challenged & intrigued. Liz always has to have the last word, sighing deeply just when I turn my back. She’s also playful & curious, & like most dogs, loves to run & be outdoors. Though spending time with her is one of my favorite things, I sometimes find myself quite frustrated when I’ve spent hours of the day caring for her & getting her out, only to find she’s still restless & acting needful of my attention. In such a mood, I’ll often ask her exactly what it is that she wants, & the answer is unfailingly spoken through her intense gaze: she wants my undivided attention. Of course this isn’t always, or even often possible, but I have found I’ll have a very different dog on my hands if I’ll just do one simple thing…take the time to truly see her. All that seems to be required is for me to meet her where she’s at, lock eyes with her, & hold her for just a minute or so. By sacrificing a solitary minute, my dog is content for hours.

 

As I do this most days, it strikes me that this is what I’m longing for from those I love most too. I just want to be truly seen & heard. It is this I long for from my Lord. King David reminds us that God does see each one of us: ”The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, & His ears are attentive to their cry….” (Psalm 34:15). Despite His promise & its intangible reality, I’m almost always convicted by God’s reproach of the Israelites through the prophet Isaiah (40:27-28): “Why do you say, O Jacob, & complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God?’ Do you not know, have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, & His understanding no one can fathom.” Here too, it is I who must pause to fix my eyes on the One who has seen me all along. Just a minute within His intense gaze, & He’ll have a very different daughter on His hands: my strength will be renewed (Isaiah 40:31), my soul will be stilled, & I will be radiant (Psalm 34:5), as all are who look to Him.

It is then I know the truth of a favorite verse from Isaiah 49:15-16, written many hundreds of years before the coming & crucifixion of Jesus: “Can a mother forgot the baby at her breast, & have no compassion on the child she has born? I tell you, though she may forget, I will not forget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Your walls, O Israel, are ever before me.” Be at peace Beloved: you are seen. The walls you face each day never pass from His sight. How could He forget? YOU are ENGRAVED on the palms of His hands.

In 1888 Tsarist Russia, artist Nikolai Yaroshenko created a painting entitled “Life is Everywhere”. It depicts a group of people, including a young family, being carted off to Siberia or some other such place of exile. Despite their circumstances, the group looks out through a barred train car window, joyfully captivated by a small flock of birds feeding in the nearby light. Pastor Matt Heard describes seeing this painting in an art gallery, casually passing it, until something in the corner caught his eye. He had almost missed it: on the other side of the car, another man faces out the opposite window, standing in solitary darkness. The title of the painting, as well as the juxtaposition of these two groups, would suggest that though life can be found anywhere, one must choose to see it.

Albert Einstein presents the choice this way: “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” It doesn’t seems to be a choice that can be made once & for all. As the circumstances of our lives change, & even as each day presents itself, we must make the decision again & again. Engaging in each present moment, praying & giving thanks in all things, viewing trials as challenges & opportunities for growth, positively framing our experiences & interactions are all ways we make the call…all ways that shape the life we live as miraculous. This is Life, with a capital L, & affirms what Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote: “The true way to live is to enjoy every moment as it passes, & surely, it is in the everyday things around us that the beauty of life lies.”

Nikolai Yaroshenko. Life is Everywhere. 1888

In Spanish, the word for life is capitalized: Vida. It’s as if the force that God allowed to inhabit each one of us is personified, or at least given great recognition for the gift that it is. In his book Life with a Capital L: Embracing Your God-Given Humanity (& sermon series of the same title), Pastor Matt Heard acknowledges the thirsts of various desires we all desire to satiate in life, but many times, in misguided or stifled ways. Desires that were founded within humanity in the Garden are frustrated by the human condition within a fallen world. In his paradigm shifting book entitled The Weight of Glory, author & theologian C.S. Lewis summarizes it this way:

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Matt Heard explains it is through reconnecting to the triune God as we walk through our journeys that we can access the infinite joy to which Lewis refers.  He also reminds us that in Scripture, it is often promised that those who are willing to admit their need will be met. Isaiah offers clearly this invitation:

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine & milk without money & without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, & your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, & eat what is good, & your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear & come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David.”

Unconditional & complete love, vocational gifts & talents, rest & restoration, purpose & provision are just a few examples of water He provides.