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On Waiting…

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Though most of us live our lives “on the go”, and many of us will travel far, the place we’ll spend perhaps more time in than any other is  in life’s waiting room. Even Dr. Seuss recognizes this in his classic children’s story Oh, The Places You’ll Go: “Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plan to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’, or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.” It’s as if he’s pointing it out to both the child and the adult that waiting is a necessary component of any voyage.

 

Many of us feel we’ve spent a great deal of our lives waiting on God. Our petitions are many, our prayers may even be incessant, but God often seems slow to answer. One possible reason for this is God’s view of time, as the apostle Peter observes:

‘But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.’

This same passage points out that though God may require us to be patient, we are the true beneficiaries of patience. Through waiting and hoping, we learn not just to lay our requests before the Father, but also to converse with Him, learning to trust that He will always faithfully respond, and always answer in a way that yields “the best possible results, for the most possible people, at the best possible time” (Chip Ingram). Eugene Peterson once summarized, “Waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.”

Living in a House Called “Enough”…

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From the day of my birth until today, there isn’t one I have survived without grace. Despite my doubts and regrets, that grace has always been enough. My needs have been met, and often in ways I could never have envisioned. It’s as if someone saw my future, and stockpiled exactly the provisions I would need along the way. Someone did. As unchanging as I may be, God never wavers. Worry hasn’t changed one bit of His gracious provision. Considering the reality of His providence and provenance, why is it I spend most of life ruminating over thoughts full of worry? Will there be sufficient companionship, happiness, or strength, or time, or wisdom? Though His grace has always proved sufficient, it seems I’m always fretting He won’t be enough.
Often I think God is asking me about that very thing: Just when will all He’s given fill my bottomless well? Just when will I let Him be enough?  He’s never ever failed me. If fear, as someone said, is a result of imagining the future without God in it, then why, oh why, am I so afraid? I want to learn to dwell in a land called enough…to live in it and make my home there. I’m determined to learn to give to others from that place of enough, knowing in the depths of my soul there’s an inexhaustible supply. To find that place, I must choose to make it my destination, to gratefully acknowledge each grace, to constantly hear the voice that beckons over any calm or storm: “I am enough. I will be enough.” As Cheryl Strayed said, I too proclaim: “Fear to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I choose to tell myself a different story.”

“Bread & Roses”…

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The early 1900’s saw many labor strikes in America in the effort to attain better working conditions, particularly in industrial manufacturing. It was perfectly common for men, women and children to spend their lives working ten-twelve hour days, seven days a week. In textile mills of the day, as well as the carpet factories of places such as India today, children are especially prized as laborers for their small hands and ability to work the looms. One of the most famous strikes took place in Lawrence, Massachusetts in 1912. Working conditions were deplorable, and citizens of fifty-two different nations were living within a nine-mile radius of the mill. When the mill randomly cut the weekly pay by thirty-two cents, somewhere around 30,000 workers protested for over nine weeks, using the opportunity for their union to fight for a reduction in the work hours for women and children from twelve to ten hours daily (http://www.history.com/news/the-strike-that-shook-america-100-years-ago). The mill staunchly refused any compromise, and the battle raged on. It came to be known as one that shook America, and most famously, as the “Bread and Roses” strike, for the song the payless workers would sing as they came to protest each day (James Oppenheim).

As we go marching, marching

In the beauty of the day

A million darkened kitchens

A thousand mill lofts grey

Are touched with all the radiance

That a sudden sun discloses

For the people hear us singing

Bread and roses, bread and roses

As we go marching, marching

We battle too for men

For they are women’s children

And we mother them again

Our lives shall not be sweated

From birth until life closes

Hearts starve as well as bodies

Give us bread, but give us roses

It’s words always give me chills. It wasn’t until the U.S. federal government became involved that the union demands were met, but the victory was for many workers yet to come, and it served to awaken America’s social consciousness. This song is so essential historically, but also so meaning to me personally. It touches on the need for beauty in our lives. Work is a blessing in so many ways, and can bring a sense of purpose and connection. We must also cultivate our awareness and attention to the beauty in our lives. There’s always more present than we can conceive, always enough to feed our souls. “Our lives will not be sweated from birth until life closes. Hearts starve as well as bodies; give us bread, but give us roses.”

Stepping Up…(From the Night of the Buffalo)

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For the past several years, since before my twenty-ninth birthday,  I’ve woken up each morning feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck. More accurately, as if that buffalo hit me. Yes…a buffalo, though technically, it was a North-American bison. In opening my eyes to face a new day, in the blink of an eye, I can see the night my dog and I collided with him. The car lights shining on a dark night on the Colorado highway failed to warn us of his shadow standing in the road. We certainly woke him up from a nap, but he crawled off the car and stumbled back into the road behind us to stand again. That buffalo took several years to make me feel the impact of its collision, but I definitely feel it now. I’m lucky: we collided, but nothing shattered, no one died. There’s no question we were protected. It’s really a miracle, but indeed, a miracle that changed everything. Leif Enger wrote, “People fear miracles because they fear being changed-though ignoring them will change you also.” Had I known it was coming, I’m sure I would have been afraid. Now, I pray it has changed me, molded me, transformed me. Now, I fear most ignoring the miraculous in it all.

 

In his powerful Superpower poem, Steve Gross wrote, “it takes practice…to get beyond the whole half-full, half-empty question, and just be grateful for the glass.” I  hope I’ll practice, hope I’ll cultivate that gratitude for the glass I’ve been given. Though I’ve yet to meet another who has shared the experience of hitting a buffalo, I’m definitely not the only one to battle illness, or to spend her life fighting the gravity of life and the depravity of man. As I get moving, get stretching, and receive  the warmth of a hot shower each day, I can feel my broken back begin to hold itself upright again. My muscles and joints begin to move more easily, the head clears, and for the rest of the day, I have the ability to move and walk and live well. Many would give anything just to have two legs that can walk.  I may have to work pretty hard at making this body functional, but if I do, it functions. Many would give anything to have a body responsive to their cues and efforts.  Sure, there’s pain, but I’ve been provided with so many tools, so many gifts, so many friends who love and support me. Mostly, it’s easy to get discouraged when encountering the ways pain has changed me, and resisting the limits it has placed on my life. Again, the choice is presented each day. Albert Einstein once prompted us to choose well: “There are two ways in which you can live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle, or as if everything is a miracle.” I can be grateful and work hard, or I can let pain filter my existence and illness the condition that defines me.  Will I choose to awaken to limitation, or to live unlimited? All I must do to maintain a sense of wonder is receive the mercies offered anew every morning.

 

Most days, with the difficulty of just putting one foot in front of another, it does seem simplest to quit: to stop trying so hard and just let it all take its natural course. If I make that choice, things quickly degenerate. My body can’t get enough of the drug of rest.  If I am to live in hope, I must cling to God’s promises. There is no experience wasted and no downward spiral that can separate us from the His love, even those that are self-generated. ALL is being worked for good. The good work that He began, He will complete. Author Roy Lessin affirms this so well, expounding on the reality of God’s Kingdom. It’s  a wonderful point:

“Everything in this world is moving in a downward direction-our bodies are a little older than they were yesterday; the parts in our cars have more wear than they had yesterday; even the earth is aging like a worn garment. In God’s kingdom, things are just the opposite for us. Everything moves in an upward direction-we go from faith to faith, from glory to glory, and from strength to strength. Our characters are being conformed to the image of Jesus, our spiritual lives mature, our love for the Lord deepens, and He becomes more precious with time. Today you can confidently say, ‘It is well with my soul…and it will be even better tomorrow.”

This is the hope of our journey in stepping Heavenward, in stepping up.

Grace…

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Grace…what a beautiful word! Which one of hasn’t longed to find a way to redeem our mistakes, to have an encounter that would make us whole, to accept light and love for ourselves, and to extend this full life to others? Merriam-Webster defines grace as: “unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification; a virtue coming from God; a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine assistance.” Sometimes it’s so hard to extend grace to others; mostly, it seems insurmountable to really accept it for ourselves. I think this is why the Apostle Paul said it over and over in his letters: “Grace and peace to you through Christ.” It takes many experiences to show us our need, many reminders it is ours for the taking, many encounters to truly transform. Although it’s freely offered, it wasn’t cheap, for it was purchased for us through the precious blood of Christ. It waits for us always, needs only be accepted, is relentless in its pursuit, and brings us true and lasting peace,. Ann Voskamp says it this way: “Grace is like the wind. It finds us as we are, but it does not leave us as we have been….ALL is grace.” All is grace.

 

If we can remain open enough to receive the unmerited favor that always awaits us, then perhaps our experiences will ultimately be woven into something beautiful? If we long to redo different steps in our journeys, then perhaps we’ve ventured out enough to risk mistakes, and to know the value of forgiveness? Grace involves acceptance of the beauty of what IS, but it also entails the willingness to risk. As André Gide once said, “One cannot see new lands, unless he is prepared to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” To truly find the wind in our sails, we might indeed lose sight of the shore, but we can never escape the endless ocean of God’s gracious love.

“Maybe wholeness is not reaching for perfection in your life; maybe wholeness is embracing brokenness as part of your life….Maybe life always tastes a bit like regret. Whatever you do or don’t do, there is no way to never taste it. And though you may have to taste regret, you don’t have to believe in it, you don’t have to live in it, like rowing a boat that only goes backward, trying to find something that’s been washed out to sea. It’s god’s sea. And that means all is grace” (The Broken Way, Ann Voskamp).

A good friend…a fellow teacher and blogger, a beautiful woman and mom, in trysting with her pen, reflected:

Because I’m not

what i could be

or should be

i will remember

you need that

also from me

knowing i fail

at loving you

perfectly

and yet everything

is beautiful

as it is

“Amen, Come Lord Jesus”…

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I long for the day when the Lord will come. As the old hymn says, “What a day that will be, when my Jesus comes for me, when I look upon His face, the one who saved me by His grace, when He takes me by the hand, and leads me to the promised land. What a day, glorious day, that will be!”  Many time in this valley of shadows, I can see God’s hand. Others, I must find it enough to trust His heart. Yet there are also those days, or even seasons, when it seems my faith is spent, and I look in vain for the development of the fruits of His Spirit at work within me. His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control seem sadly lacking from my life, and from the lives of those around me. Though I physically and mentally and emotionally fail every day, I am assured in Philippians 1:6  that “He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it.” Keith Green had a beautiful song about this journey of faith, proclaiming the Lord’s ability to soften the hardest of places in our hearts:

 

My eyes are dry

My faith is old

My heart is hard

My prayers are cold

And I know how I ought to be

Alive to You and dead to me

But what can be done

For an old heart like mine?

Soften it up

With oil and wine

The oil is You, Your Spirit of love

Please wash me anew

With the wine of Your Blood

 
The psalmist also acknowledged: “MY flesh and MY heart MAY fail, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever” (Psalm 63:7, emphasis mine). Come do your work Father; be to me now and always what you are, and every will be!  As Revelations proclaims, “Amen, come Lord Jesus.”

“You Don’t Owe Me a Thing”

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My sweet sis always says everything happens for a reason. She’s ridden enough of the roller coaster of life that this statement is deserving of respect. I find her calm and steady assurance that all will work for the good ever reassuring. Though my “little” sister and I have always been friends, it wasn’t until our adulthood that we became true allies to one another in every area of life. It is she, more than any other, who offers me the greatest sense of belonging, strength and understanding. She gave me a gift for my high school graduation that set us off on this new depth of connection. It is a framed picture that still sits on my dresser; our smiling faces look enthusiastically up at the camera from the lens of childhood, our arms protectively around one another. It also holds a short poem: “My sister deserves to know, that even though I don’t always show it, she is absolutely essential to the happiness that lives within my heart.” Reading that, I knew that whatever sense of juvenile competition or disagreement had kept us apart, she had loved me always, and always would. She deserves to know this too…she is forever my love.
She became a mother young, and has always been a working mother. Though of course I may be a trifle biased, her two daughters are amazing and beautiful, soft and strong, sharing many of my sis’s wonderful qualities. Her name is Alyssa, recognizing the sweet fragrance and appearance of the alyssum flower, but meaning logical. Though she is quite rational, and this appellation indeed fits her, I think it’s her bold and logic-defying belief in the presence of God’s master plan in all things that inspires me most. She has worked hard at shaping her thoughts in this way, and to do what Winston Churchill suggests of optimists: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”  Coupled with this strength is an unshakeable loyalty and dedication to those she loves, accentuating her beauty more and more every day. Another quote, by an unknown author, reflects the power of her life best: “After all this time, the sun has yet to say to the earth, ‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with a love like that: it lights up the world!” What a powerful gift, to pour yourself out for others, and still look them in the eye as if to say, “You don’t owe me a thing”. Her love most certainly shines as one of the brightest lights in my journey. “Blessed are those who give without remembering, and take without forgetting” (Elizabeth Bibesco).

Trees of Life…

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There’s not much that stirs my soul quite so much as the simplicity of a tree blowing in a strong wind. All those leaves, the growth, the color & life, the resiliency, the acceptance of the sun & wind & warmth & cold…it moves me. The thing about trees is that they are rooted. If those roots go down deep & have been steadily nourished over time, there’s not much that can budge a tree. We too, need our roots to sink down deep into rich soil. If we are founded in Him, fed by His Word, then, we too shall be unmoved by the storms & circumstantial weather of life. The songwriter Dennis Jernigan sings about this beautifully: “Though the winds may blow, He is my shelter….He is constantly watching over me.”

 

In Proverbs 3, Solomon speaks of wisdom being “a tree of life to those who embrace her”. It seems that’s a promise for us as well, at least in two senses:

  1. We can embrace the wisdom of God, & be given Life….maybe even a taste of the Life that was offered in the Garden of Eden, where that tree was originally found.
  2. As we pursue that Life, we can share its wisdom with others, offering them to chance to embrace it too, becoming shelter for them as they root themselves in Him.  

The prophet Isaiah assures us in Chapter 62: “This will be for the Lord’s renown, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.”

Success Defined

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Though I know I shouldn’t, I worry about success all the time. I’m an eldest child who grew up in a Legalistic church, so it’s really no surprise I became a task-oriented perfectionist.  In part, that’s well and good. It’s has to be fitting and right to desire to do things well, to find satisfaction in a job well-done, to cultivate the harvest of whatever realm we give ourselves. These kinds of desires have played out in the lives of influential people for all time. As cultural anthropologist Margaret Mead once said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”  And yet, at the same time, one can become quite driven, focused on outcome instead of process. As Ann Voskamp has said, “Perfectionism is a slow death by self.” It’s all too easy to spend ourselves on things that aren’t truly worthy of the cost of our lives, all too common to find ourselves with a need to please those around us. Too often, we become anchored unstably in our perceived notions of their expectations. Too often, we live under the impression we’re casting our cares away, but if we refuse to share their burdens with others in intentional ways, our cares have made us castaways to the people we love the most. No small wonder all my life, I’ve found myself craving Life I can’t generate on my own.
How should we measure success? Does a perfect God require perfection, and if not, exactly what does He expect of us? The prophet Micah answers this question quite simply and succinctly: “What does the Lord require of you, but to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). Ralph Waldo Emerson also offered a great definition of what success looks like: “To laugh often & much, to win the respect of intelligent people & the affection of children, to know even ONE  life has breathed easier because you have lived, THIS is to succeed.” May we be fair to those we encounter, maintain a passion for compassion, and walk in authenticity and humility with God and one another. May we each help even one life to breath easier through the givenness and offering of our lives.

“I’m Coming for You”-

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I have this friend who just embodies generosity. I don’t know how she does it, but she just continuously pours out to all around her, yet still remains completely whole. If there’s a need, she always seems to be there to fill it. What’s more, & this is an amazing gift, everywhere she is, she’s fully present right in that place. The first thing she did was share with me her kids, her greatest treasure, as students & as friends.  And then, she just never stopped giving, becoming the truest of friends. You just can’t escape her love.

They say that love has languages (Gary Chapman), & that most people express themselves best through either acts of service, gifts, quality time, touch, or words of affirmation. I can pinpoint most people’s native tongue pretty quickly, but though I’ve known this friend many years, I just can’t seem to tell about her. She does them all, over & over again, living out what’s been said: “Love is the infinite victory.” Maybe, it’s really love that she embodies. 

God’s like that. He just embodies generous love. He continuously pours Himself out, yet remains completely whole. When you really need Him, He just knows.He’s just there, fully present right in that place. First He shared Himself, & designed us from before eternity; then, He shared His Son, His most precious treasure. He just never stops giving, never stops speaking each of our languages of love, never stops pursuing us all. Wherever we go, there He is, as if He’s saying, “I’m coming for you, I’m coming for you, wherever you go” (Audrey Assad). However far we may run, we can’t outrun His love (Psalm 139:7-12, Romans 8:35-39). It truly is THE infinite victory. Maybe, He really IS Love.