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As Christians, we often hear that God is the only one who can affect real & lasting change in our lives. This is one of the reasons we desperately  need a Savior. Not only have we all sinned, but even after we accept God’s salvation, we often still find ourselves trapped doing the very things we hate, as Paul says in his letter to the Roman church. Matt Heard says it this way: “I cannot bring myself to life.” On the other hand, the apostle James tell us faith without works is no faith at all, affirming Jesus’ statement that we will know a tree by its fruit. I’ve found in my own life, I have to not only be willing for God to work in every area, often He waits for me to really desire & pray for Him to work in specific ways. The more I seek Him in it, most often after my own failed efforts, the more quickly He breaks the chains. In some ways, even for the believer, it’s true what actress Carol Burnett once said: “I’m the only one who can change my life; no one else can do it for me.” God asks me to be willing to let Him do His work, but also to work in tandem with Him.

 
In my first few months working in missions in the Dominican Republic, I found myself overwhelmed as never before with humbling progress on the learning curve of culture, language, ministry & relationships. If I had made a list before going, of all the areas in which I hoped God would work on me, He would have hit each one of them & many more. In attending a retreat w/ other missionaries, a veteran YWAM. missionary gave an invitation I’ve never forgotten.  It was something to the effect of: “If God is refining you, if you are finding yourself painfully sifted as wheat through a sieve, surrender. Stop fighting now & allow Him to come do whatever work in you He wills. Only then will He be able to work through you.” I made the decision to follow her advice, determinedly giving up the resistance battle of pride I hadn’t even realized I was fighting, & quickly saw a radical difference in what God was able to do both in & through me. Though I’ve never forgotten her words, still on a daily basis, my attitudes & actions reveal I never truly learned the lesson. I’m still learning to ride in tandem with Him, still learning to surrender & enjoy the ride. As Joyce Meyer would say, “I’m not where I need to be, but thank God, I’m not where I used to be. I’m okay, & I’m on my way!”.  

It’s the word I chose as my anthem for this year: CAPABLE. I saw it printed on a friend’s necklace, and when asked about it, she responded that instead of writing out wordy resolutions & soon ignored goals for the new year, she had decided to choose just one word that would summarize the quality she most wanted to learn to exemplify, and the area in which she most wanted to grow. Just looking at the word gave me chills. Of course, that was it, that’s what I want to be! All my life I’ve felt weak and fragile, been labeled as such by people of influence. In various battles and experiences, I’ve found it to be true, in sickness and in health. Through an intense struggle with chronic pain and illness, I have learned boundaries that provide rest, but simultaneously felt sorrow in allowing the words “I can’t” to define me. My only appreciation of weakness stems from the dependence on the Lord it necessitates. I need Him every moment of the day, from the strength it takes to get out of bed and get moving, to working at jobs that are too much from me. There always seem to be complex relationships that need navigating and to-do lists that are never-ending. I’ve begged to be healed from the inside out, petitioned to be stronger and less-emotional, requested over and over again God would provide someone with whom I can share life’s journey. It seems I’m constantly waiting on His answer and relief, seemingly without answer.
But…He has answered, and assured me as He did the apostle Paul in II Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for YOU, for MY power is made perfect in weakness.” He’s reminded me: “I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:9), and that “His divine power Has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness” (II Peter 1:3). The testimony of my life is not that I am capable, but that HE is. So this year, I’ve chosen my friend’s word to be my resolution as well. I want others to look at my life, even seeing  fragility and brokenness, and see I’ve found Him capable, am finding Him so anew each day. May they see His faithfulness in making my strength equal to the days He’s given me (Deuteronomy). Though the answers never come in the timing and ways I envision, He has provided and proved Himself enough over and over again. It’s true: He’s made me capable. “…We have this treasure in jars of clay, to SHOW that this ALL-surpassing power is from GOD, and NOT from us” (II Corinthians 4:7, all Scripture emphases mine).

http://quoteson.net/you-are-capable/

I love dogs, & currently have a weimardoodle with a greater surplus of personality than I have ever known. She’s very quick to learn, but won’t show it unless she’s sufficiently challenged & intrigued. Liz always has to have the last word, sighing deeply just when I turn my back. She’s also playful & curious, & like most dogs, loves to run & be outdoors. Though spending time with her is one of my favorite things, I sometimes find myself quite frustrated when I’ve spent hours of the day caring for her & getting her out, only to find she’s still restless & acting needful of my attention. In such a mood, I’ll often ask her exactly what it is that she wants, & the answer is unfailingly spoken through her intense gaze: she wants my undivided attention. Of course this isn’t always, or even often possible, but I have found I’ll have a very different dog on my hands if I’ll just do one simple thing…take the time to truly see her. All that seems to be required is for me to meet her where she’s at, lock eyes with her, & hold her for just a minute or so. By sacrificing a solitary minute, my dog is content for hours.

 

As I do this most days, it strikes me that this is what I’m longing for from those I love most too. I just want to be truly seen & heard. It is this I long for from my Lord. King David reminds us that God does see each one of us: ”The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, & His ears are attentive to their cry….” (Psalm 34:15). Despite His promise & its intangible reality, I’m almost always convicted by God’s reproach of the Israelites through the prophet Isaiah (40:27-28): “Why do you say, O Jacob, & complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God?’ Do you not know, have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, & His understanding no one can fathom.” Here too, it is I who must pause to fix my eyes on the One who has seen me all along. Just a minute within His intense gaze, & He’ll have a very different daughter on His hands: my strength will be renewed (Isaiah 40:31), my soul will be stilled, & I will be radiant (Psalm 34:5), as all are who look to Him.

It is then I know the truth of a favorite verse from Isaiah 49:15-16, written many hundreds of years before the coming & crucifixion of Jesus: “Can a mother forgot the baby at her breast, & have no compassion on the child she has born? I tell you, though she may forget, I will not forget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Your walls, O Israel, are ever before me.” Be at peace Beloved: you are seen. The walls you face each day never pass from His sight. How could He forget? YOU are ENGRAVED on the palms of His hands.

In 1888 Tsarist Russia, artist Nikolai Yaroshenko created a painting entitled “Life is Everywhere”. It depicts a group of people, including a young family, being carted off to Siberia or some other such place of exile. Despite their circumstances, the group looks out through a barred train car window, joyfully captivated by a small flock of birds feeding in the nearby light. Pastor Matt Heard describes seeing this painting in an art gallery, casually passing it, until something in the corner caught his eye. He had almost missed it: on the other side of the car, another man faces out the opposite window, standing in solitary darkness. The title of the painting, as well as the juxtaposition of these two groups, would suggest that though life can be found anywhere, one must choose to see it.

Albert Einstein presents the choice this way: “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” It doesn’t seems to be a choice that can be made once & for all. As the circumstances of our lives change, & even as each day presents itself, we must make the decision again & again. Engaging in each present moment, praying & giving thanks in all things, viewing trials as challenges & opportunities for growth, positively framing our experiences & interactions are all ways we make the call…all ways that shape the life we live as miraculous. This is Life, with a capital L, & affirms what Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote: “The true way to live is to enjoy every moment as it passes, & surely, it is in the everyday things around us that the beauty of life lies.”

Nikolai Yaroshenko. Life is Everywhere. 1888

In Spanish, the word for life is capitalized: Vida. It’s as if the force that God allowed to inhabit each one of us is personified, or at least given great recognition for the gift that it is. In his book Life with a Capital L: Embracing Your God-Given Humanity (& sermon series of the same title), Pastor Matt Heard acknowledges the thirsts of various desires we all desire to satiate in life, but many times, in misguided or stifled ways. Desires that were founded within humanity in the Garden are frustrated by the human condition within a fallen world. In his paradigm shifting book entitled The Weight of Glory, author & theologian C.S. Lewis summarizes it this way:

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Matt Heard explains it is through reconnecting to the triune God as we walk through our journeys that we can access the infinite joy to which Lewis refers.  He also reminds us that in Scripture, it is often promised that those who are willing to admit their need will be met. Isaiah offers clearly this invitation:

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine & milk without money & without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, & your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, & eat what is good, & your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear & come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David.”

Unconditional & complete love, vocational gifts & talents, rest & restoration, purpose & provision are just a few examples of water He provides.

There is an old “Negro Spiritual” entitled “Give Me Jesus” that has always gripped my heart. The lyrics petition, “In the morning when I rise…when I am alone…& when I come to die…give me Jesus. You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.” Romans 8:32 promises us that God will be faithful to give us Himself: “He who did not spare His own son, but willingly gave Him up for us all-How will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?”.

A friend who mentored me in my high school & college years said she had prayed throughout her life that God would do whatever He had to do to draw her near to Himself.” This has oft been my prayer. It seems my predispositions for pride & stubbornly clinging to control are great, for God has had to work with a strong hand in order to fulfill His promise to me. I have oft been like a tree bent over from the force of winds & storms, but He has sunk my roots down deep in His soil.

One thing He has used towards this end is a struggle with chronic pain & illness over the past several years. A genetic malformation of the spine &  sensitive nervous system were later complicated with clumsy falls & accidents, the most severe of which was a collision with a buffalo.Yes, a buffalo. It wasn’t until almost ten years later my nerves responded hyperactively to destroy sixty percent of my hearing, cause frequent migraines & set the nerves throughout my body on fire. Though these conditions aren’t nearly as severe as those many others suffer, there are many small pieces that result in a very complicated whole. In this battle, I have cried out to God for wholeness & healing, believed in it, despaired of it. It has taught me many lessons, including humility & surrender. Most of all, it has kept me dependent upon Him. Moment by moment, day by day, I am in need of His strength to get up out of bed & to survive. The Lord has honored my request to give me Himself, & always, always…this prize is worth whatever cost.
“Therefore my heart is glad & my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure (or “live in hope”, Acts 2:25-26), because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (Psalm 16:9-11).

Come My Way INTRO: Bartimaeus’ Call…Jesus’ Response (Mark 10:46-52)-

How does one describe a man who has no name of his own? The apostle Mark says this: “A blind man, Bartimeus (very literally, the son of Timeus), was sitting by the road begging (v. 47).  As Jesus and his disciples were leaving the rough and tumble city of Jericho, amidst a large crowd, sat a poor blind beggar, seemingly unnoticed. How long he had been there or through what kind of lifelong journey he arrived is unknown, but however he got to this place, we do know that he was in desperate shape.  And yet…he had heard the Messiah was coming.

How many times have I felt like this man?  I’ve been alone, without companions…felt lost, without any real identity or inheritance.  I’ve felt the shame of both my natural condition and the failure of my choices.  There have often been times I’ve been blinded by my selfishness or sickness or pain, & I’ve failed to see or trust my Father’s faithful provision. I’ve hidden from others, cloaked myself in darkness, and simultaneously held out my hand in need to beg the attention of all who pass by. I’ve been desperate for compassion…for healing…for light…for mercy. Nevertheless, God did not leave me sitting in that desperate space, unnoticed.

Bartimeus’ story doesn’t end this way either: Bartimeus heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth coming, and “…he began to SHOUT, ‘Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!’” Despite his blindness, or perhaps because of it, he was able to really see Jesus in all the glorious hope that he offered.  Bartimeus must have spent a great portion of his life blinded by his insecurity, seeking the favor of man, struggling to persevere.  Yet at last, he reached the point of ceasing to court the good opinion of others, or fearing their rejection.  Mark tells us that “many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more: ‘Son of David, have mercy on me!’ “ (v. 47). Bartimeus knew that if he could just get in touch with his Savior, he would be healed. Just as the woman with uncontrollable bleeding knew she only needed to touch the hem of His garment, He cries out for Jesus to “come his way” (song by Skillet). He tenaciously calls for Jesus to SEE him, and Jesus heard.

Jesus stopped, and instructed them to call him.  “So they called the blind man, ‘Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling YOU.” (v. 48). Bartimeus’ response here is incredible, almost as if he’s already grasped hold of the freedom awaiting him. It’s almost as if the chains that bound him for so long have been broken, as if he is beginning to SEE the promised land.  “Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus” (v. 50).  In the midst of our cries to be seen and heard, Jesus beckons to each of our hearts: “Come MY way.”  When we do, He asks us each the question of questions He offered to Bartimeus’ needy heart: “What do you want me to do for you? (v. 51).

Although our needs and cries for help are abundant, so many of us would find ourselves unable to answer to this question.  Discontent comes easily, but putting a name on that which would satiate our troubled souls comes with much more difficulty.  Bartimeus, arriving at the end of many years wandering blindly in the desert, seems to know exactly what his soul needs, and articulates it in just five words: “Rabbi, I want to SEE.” (v. 51b).  In Brandon Heath’s song of recent years, his prayer expands this cry: “Give me YOUR eyes, so I can SEE.”

Someone once said that for God to give us songs in the night, He must first make it dark.  We must acknowledge our poverty of soul if we are to allow ourselves to drink from His rivers alone.  To the humble, the empty, the poor…to those willing to cry out as Bartimeus did, He invites us to come & partake of the feast His son died to purchase for us.

We’ve all been given an invitation, and none are excluded.  The invitation reads something like the verse in the Psalms: “Taste and see that the LORD is good” (Psalm 34:8). May our blindness be healed, that we see the GOODNESS of our LORD.  Both grace and mercy are undeserved, and with our God, through the blood of Jesus, both are freely bestowed.  Though both must also be received, once taken with faith, there is no question they will meet the deep need of our souls.  In the end, this is what healed that son of Timeus. Mercy received with open, willing hands made blindness sight, turned his darkness to light.  
“Go’, said Jesus, ‘your faith has healed you.” Mark recounts (v. 52)  that immediately, Bartimeus received his sight, and followed Jesus along the road.