Category: Presence

“He Restores My Soul…”

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“You don’t have to come, but you always do. You show up in splendor, you change the whole room…”, sings Bethel artist Jonathan Helser in his song “Thank You”. Isn’t this so true? God continually shows up for us, perhaps in unexpected ways, but faithfully filling all those empty spaces that can seem so vacant of presence and the glorious.

 

I’ve always been a person with a very fragile strength. Sometimes it seems I’m a little too frail for this world. I’m empty when it comes to meeting the world’s great need, or to meeting my own brokenness. I don’t have the power to bring myself or anyone else to life….but, God does. He fills me with life and light again and again. My Shepherd satisfies my wants, not just needs, and restores my soul (Psalm 23:1,3). As Lamentations 3:22b reminds us, though we may lament our circumstances and feel sorrow that can dry us up, “His mercies are new every morning.”

 

He doesn’t have to come. God could have chosen to be farther removed from His creation. He could have made us only His servants and not the objects of His affection. Just what did we do to merit all the loveliness there is in this world? David asked in Psalm 8:4: “What is man that you are mindful of him?”. My creator could let my fragile strength and spirits remain depleted. But instead, He refreshes and renews and fills me with each new day; new mercies are offered day by day. He continually offers me Presence and encounters with the lovely and the glorious. “He prepares a table before me….my cup runneth over.”

Defined: Adequate or Inadequate?

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I am a teacher. This is how I’ve defined myself most of my adult life. It’s become not just an occupation, or even a vocation, but also an integral part of my identity. That wasn’t my intention of course, but unwittingly, it’s the identity I chose. Perhaps it’s because I’m single and “my kids” have been just that to me; perhaps it’s the tendency we all have, particularly as westerners and Americans, to let what we do define us. I’m reminded of an English movie I saw recently where two strangers meet and one asks the other, “And what do you do?” The new acquaintance responds, “My, aren’t you sounding American.” In any case, though our actions always speak the truth of our characters, and however much we are shaped by the icebergs of culture around us, I can’t let my career define me.

 

I’ve come up against this rather startlingly in recent months when it became obvious that I was no longer serving or caring for my students as their teacher should, primarily because of health challenges. Leaving teaching behind is one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. To be honest, I guess I would say I feel a little groundless now, particularly in responding to the questions that characterize dinner parties.  My aunt has always wisely said it took her a long time to learn we are called human beings and not human doings for a reason. Just why is it so scary for us to offer up ourselves as we are without listing what we are doing and accomplishing? For me at least, it feels insufficient. But God says to me that He has made me sufficient. As Marilynne Robinson once wrote, and as quoted by Nelson Mandela in his inauguration speech:

“Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate; our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. You say, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God! Your playing small does not serve the world….and as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously liberate others to do the same.”

I am a child of God, defined only by how He views me: totally right with Him, completely accepted as I am, utterly worthy of dignity and delight. I’m clinging to that these days, trying to learn to see myself through His eyes.

Path Paved by the Son…

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Heraclitus observed that “The only constant in life is change.” This truth is older even than ancient Greece, yet in our own journeys, we often find ourselves surprised by & resistant to transition. Unexpected curves in our paths can throw us off balance & leave us searching for direction. God promises that His Word will be our lamp & guide, & also assures us of guidance as a component of communion with His presence. As Isaiah prophecies in chapter 30, verse 21, “Whether you turn to the left or to the right, your ears will hear a voice behind them saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it’.” Rather than an audible voice or a burning bush, however, we most frequently come to commune with our Savior by being attuned to His still, small voice. His paves our path gently by going Himself behind & before us, providing a guiding light & peace as gentle & as sure as the rays of the sun. In Jesus Calling (February 11), author Sarah Young says it this way:

 

 

“My Peace is like a shaft of golden Light shining on you continuously. During days of bright sunshine, it may blend in with your surroundings. On darker days, My Peace stands out in sharp contrast to your circumstances. See times of darkness as opportunities for My Light to shine in transcendent splendor. I am training your to practice Peace that overpowers darkness. Collaborate with Me in this training.”

 

Who better than our Lord to bestow light? Who better than our Savior with whom to collaborate? Who better than Jesus to plan our journey? May we discern His voice & surely as we watch the sun rise & set. May we respond to His leading as gently & pleasantly as we feel the sun warm & light our way.

“But Even If You Don’t…”

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An inspiring story I’ve loved since childhood is that of the three Jewish boys, Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego, who accompanied Daniel to the palace of the Babylonian king, Nebuchadnezzar. True to the prophecy of Jeremiah, God had allowed Babylon to lay siege to Jerusalem, and though a remnant remained, the majority of the Israelites were living in Babylon and exile. These four young boys, exemplifying the best of the tribes of Israel, modeled living faithful to God, despite their captivity. When they refused to worship the image of gold cast and commanded by Nebuchadnezzar, they were condemned to death, and thrown into a fiery furnace. They remained unburned and walked out alive. Their miraculous rescue, and the appearance of a fourth man in the furnace with them, is one of the great stories of scripture.

 

My favorite part, however, is their unwavering trust in the sovereignty of God, whether or not He did as they wanted. In Daniel 3:16-18, they respond to the king with this statement: “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

 

I want God to heal me, to provide for me, to work miracles in my life…and I pray for faith to believe in Him for all this. But…even if…He does not…I still want to trust Him. I do trust Him. Mercy Me recently published a song called “Even If” that tells this story and proclaims this same largeness of faith and trust:

 

“It’s easy to sing

When there’s nothing to bring me down

But what will I say

When I’m held to the flame

Like I am right now

I know You’re able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith

To move a mountain

Well good thing

A little faith is all I have, right now

But God, when You choose

To leave mountains unmovable

Oh give me the strength to be able to sing

It is well with my soul”

“A Whole New World: Will You Trust Me?”

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However large and spacious is the place we call home, there’s always a great big world out there. In the classic Disney movie Aladdin, the turning point comes when Aladdin flies up on his new magic carpet to Jasmine’s window & invites her to take a ride w/ him. Although she obviously wants to go, she questions if it’s safe, & he…well, he holds out his hand to her, & asks if she’ll trust him. After a moment of hesitation she accepts the hand & adventure offered, hops on, & the rest is history! “A Whole New World” awaits.

 

Each time God invites me off on a new adventure, I find myself feeling as though I’m in Jasmine’s shoes, & my Lord has asked me Aladdin’s question: “Do you trust me?”

 

What can I do besides smile & give Him my hand & heart & obedience. The rides He takes me on never disappoint, & multiple times, I’ve been exposed to a whole new world, a whole new way of living, a whole new level of trust. It calls to mind an old poem by an unknown author:

 

“It isn’t that I cling to Him, or struggle to be blessed. He simply takes my hand in His, & there I let it rest. So I dread not any pathway, fear to sail on any sea, since the handclasp of my Savior makes the journey safe for me.”

“Just to Be With YOU…”

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The legendary band Third Day has a beautiful song called “Love Song For a Savior”. The song’s basic premise is that the author has heard stories of men who would climb the highest mountains & sail the farthest seas, just to be with the ones they love. These love stories call to deep places within us & stir our longings to find such love, to find another who would do anything “just to be with us”. As sincere as men may be in their desires to show & win love, the proclamations are rarely realized or lived out. Though these actions are nearly impossible for the humans in our lives, with God ALL things are possible, & He has offered all to win our hearts as His own.

 

As lead singer Mac Powell beautifully sings out, “I never swam the deepest ocean, but I walked the Sea of Galilee….I never climbed the highest mountain, but I climbed the hill to Calgary. Just to be with you, I would do anything. There’s no cross I wouldn’t bear. Just to be with you I gave everything. For YOU I gave my life away.” Your Father offered His beloved Son & His Son offered His life & they both gave their Spirit just to be with YOU! The love your heart most longs for has come down to dwell in YOU. Will you enter in?

“Jesus, I Am Resting”…

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”Jesus, I am resting, in the joy of what Thou art. I am finding out the measure of Thy loving heart. Thou hast bid’st me gaze upon Thee, and Thy beauty fills my soul, for by Thy transforming power, Thou hast made me whole” (Pigott, Jean; “Jesus, I Am Resting”). This is the first chorus of the famed nineteenth century missionary to China, & founder of the transformative China Inland Mission group,  Hudson Taylor. In the face of grief, after losing his beloved wife, having long suffered heavy criticism and isolation, he wrote to his sister in England that these words were his greatest source of comfort. How difficult it is to be still and to rest in the sovereignty and presence of God, when He has allowed the one you most love to leave your side.

 

I’ve recently made a very personal, and yet public, decision to leave a ten-year career as a public school teacher because of my health. In so doing, I gave up any hope that my life could be easily understood by others looking in from the outside. I’ve been so blessed that there are many family and friends who understand or empathize the intensity of the process I am in, and who have offered me shelter and respite. It feels a bit like I’ve taken a giant leap off a cliff, and mercifully landed on a spacious precipice, but with the vast unknown still before me. I can’t see the next steps, the future is still completely unknown, and yet…it is here, in this place, today, that I must learn to rest. Deuteronomy 33:27 says, “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” They seem to echo the following verses of this great hymn, and prompt me to fix my gaze on God alone:

 

“Simply trusting Thee Lord Jesus, I behold Thee as Thou art,

and Thy love, so pure, so changeless, satisfies my heart.

Satisfies its every longing, meets, supplies, its every need.

Compasseth me round with blessings, Thine is love indeed.

Ever fix my gaze upon Thee, as I work and watch for Thee.

Resting ‘neath Thy smile Lord Jesus, earth’s dark shadows flee.

Sunshine of my Father’s glory, brightness of my Father’s face.

Keep my ever resting, trusting, Fill me with Thy grace.”

“Prepare to Be Surprised”…

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In the movie Dan In Real Life, Dan is a dad considering what to say to his daughter as she graduates from high school & heads out into the world. As he does so, he starts to examine his own life, & how often it surprised him, or failed to meet any of his expectations.  So, why is it that we’re always asking graduates what their “plans” are? Why do we try so hard to prepare for what’s coming, when in reality, we know there is no adequate preparation? Whatever happens will probably come as pretty much…a total surprise.  While plans & dreams can be great things, our expectations of what we think our lives are supposed to look like so often constrain & disappoint us. We often hold these visions so firmly, & cling so tightly, that it makes it difficult for our hands to be open to other great things God has intended for us.

 

Corrie Ten Boom, survivor of the Holocaust & author of The Hiding Place, said it this way: “I’ve learned to hold things loosely.  I don’t like it when He has to pry them from my grip.”  Living a surrendered life is not easy, but it IS what God call us to do, & it must be done over & over again.  In his Superpower Poem, Steve Gross states: “Openness to what is can take us far. Suffering is rooted in wanting things to be different than the way they are.”  How true this is, & how grand it would be if we could live each day as small children: open to whatever the day brings, playful & joyful in the opportunities that come, ready for adventure…all simply because they’re trusting in the good things they know their parents have prepared. “It isn’t that I cling to Him, or struggle to be blessed. He simply takes my hand in His, & there I let it rest. So I dread not any pathway, dare to sail on any sea, since the handclasp of my savior makes the journey safe for me” (unknown). It’s safe, we can trust Him…so let’s consider willingly surrendering our expectations to our Lord, & live prepared…to be surprised.

“Better Is One Day In Your Courts”…

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I live in the most beautiful place, in a small town on the western slope of Colorado, at the foot of incredible mountain ranges. Each morning the sun rises in a perfectly azure Colorado sky; each evening, it sets, casting all hues of glory on the tips of the peaks. The shifting of light and shadows on the surrounding hills often overwhelms my senses. In the winter, each summit is capped by the whitest snow, causing bare trees to hang heavy in sparkling filigree; in the summer, inconceivable varieties of wildflowers paint brand new wheels of bold color with each thousand feet of elevation. In the spring, the bright green of the budding trees in the forests takes my breath away; each autumn, their floors, and the mountains in which they dwell, are carpeted by golden aspen leaves and bronzed tundra. The vistas are stunning, the wanderings within their nooks and crannies always seem to hold new revelations for me.

 

I’m so lucky to have lived almost half my life in this incredible region. Every day, I count myself blessed with life and breath and movement, and the gift to live here in this wondrous, lovely place. If I remain here all my days, and spend them exploring the vast ranges and expanses of wilderness, there will still be more that remains unseen. My days have been graced with a quality of life many others desire; I’m filled with gratitude to be able to call it home, to rest here in this place.

 

Though this compelling beauty captivates me daily, it’s just one small corner of earth, just a barely visible dot within our solar system. Yet this place has nothing compared to the courts of God. In Psalm 84:10, the psalmist says “How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty. Better is one day in your courts, than a thousand elsewhere.” We are all invited to dwell there in that glorious place, making our home with Him, for all eternity. We are all invited there now, today, to enter into the fullness of His abiding presence.

“The Wonder of It All”…

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A dear friend once gave me a card that said “Never lose your sense of wonder.” Coming from her, this encouragement carries great weight for me; it becomes an inspiration because it reflects a life grounded in both reality and wonder. Though nearing retirement and a veteran of more than her fair share of life’s challenges, she’s never lost her curiosity and amazement with life and the Lord. I came to know her as my mentor and friend when I moved to the town where I began my first long-term teaching job. She taught high school, and helped me learn to do the same. Her contagious vivacity and wit, as well as natural way of connecting and empathizing with youth, make people assume she’s twenty years younger than she actually is. She always downplays her own role in this, claiming that teaching keeps us young. Indeed, I have found this to be true, but most especially so when we as teachers are willing to be affected by all those we teach. She’s ever-willing, and because she is, her life in turn, has profoundly affected those of the students she taught.
Though we no longer teach together, I still consider her my mentor. As a teacher and a person, she is a force as awesome and resilient as nature herself. There are powerful influences in her life that have often attempted to determine and shape her reality, but she has staunchly refused to acquiesce.  Though at times her circumstances have seemed challenging, she faithfully cultivates joy one day at a time, continuously searches for reasons to laugh, walks determinedly in faith and not by sight, and pursues connections that pull her into spheres of positivity. I’ve known her almost ten years now, and in that time, she’s adopted me, welcoming me into her home and family as if I were a second daughter. When I became sick with a chronic illness, she cared for me. She has seen and understood me at the times where it seemed like few others could. She has refused to let me give up or give in to negativity, most effectively by her own example. Edith Wharton, the first woman to win the Pulitzer Prize for Literature, once said something that seems to purposefully describe my friend: “One can remain alive  long past the usual date of expiration, if one is unafraid of change, happy in small ways, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, and interested in big things.” My wonderful friend has lived in such a way, and therefore, remains not just alive, but ALIVE.  In other words, my friend lives out God’s granting of another’s request: “I do not ask to know the reason for it all; I ask only, to know the wonder of it all” (Heschel, Abraham). May we all be continually captivated by the wonder of it all.