Category: Friendship

Accepting Joy…

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Part of my very part-time employment at present is working with a woman who also has a severe neurological condition, though hers is far more severe. I model a few exercises and provide a little massage and stretching; she models so much more for me. She’s been sick for most of thirty years, and has spent thirteen of those paralyzed from the waist down and regulated to a wheelchair. And yet, she always has a smile on her face. When I asked her how she was able to be so upbeat and positive, she said that she wouldn’t want the husband who’s been her caretaker all those years to have to live with a grump. This made me smile; it almost seems like a casual and lighthearted approach to coping with illness, but it is most definitely far more. Long ago, she made a very intentional choice to live in acceptance, gratitude and joy, one I’m sure she has had to make that choice over and over again, but she has. Hers is a very cultivated positivity held perfectly in tension with practical surrender, and they end result is joy.

 

She calls it grace. It reminds me of what Ann Voskamp once wrote: “Grace is like the wind. It finds us as we are, but it does not leave us as we have been. All is grace.” Grace has met her anew each day in exactly the place she is; it continually shapes and molds her into the image of God. She’s a willing vessel in the hands of a skillful potter; anyone has only to look at my friend’s radiant countenance to be awestruck by its fragile strength. She’s a former elementary teacher, a mom and wife and daughter and sister and aunt and friend. She’s a quilter and a prayer warrior and a blessing to all who know her. I’m so very thankful: in a season of struggling to accept my own challenging circumstances, or perhaps simply arriving in the place where I actually have accepted them, God has given me this beautiful example. I want to accept the joy that fills and surrounds me and say with my friend and the saints of old, as voiced by the prophet Isaiah: “And yet LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter” (Isaiah 64:8).

 

*Photo by Ann Voskamp. 

An Iron Will: A Tribute to Georgine…

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Tomorrow is Independence Day, a celebration of what it means to know free life. The Fourth of July marks not only that for me: it is both the anniversary of a friend’s spiritual birthday in 1950, as well as that of her “home-going” sixty-four years later. She’s been gone for three years now, and it still doesn’t seem possible that’s a reality; I can hear her voice as if it were yesterday. From the day I met her when I moved to this area in 2008, she said I was a kindred spirit and adopted me as a granddaughter. She called me her “Sweet Pea”; I called her my “Mama G”. She reminded me of the grandmother I lost when I was nine years old: Mama G’s quiet strength, obdurate determination, compassionate presence and vocal faith mirrored those of my Grandma Thelma. I was instantly at home with her.

 

Mama G was an example of the faith and perseverance of the saints to all who knew her. She modeled for me how one could live well with serious illness, something she coped with admirably for almost half her life: the chronic and inflammatory autoimmune disease Lupus targeted her as a young mother. Everything she did over the next decades came at a cost, but she counted it all worthy of the price she paid. She told me often with great sincerity that she counted it a true joy to share even a small bit of the suffering that was our Lord’s, and she lived out its truth. Her best friend says she had an “iron will”. As Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” She helped all her loved ones (in other words, everyone she knew) to be shaped into the mold of our Savior. In the spring of 2014, she contracted pancreatic cancer, the same disease took my Grandma Thelma’s life. They say it’s the most painful way to die: since the pancreas sits on a bundle of nerves that travel throughout the whole body, its sensations are akin to those of crucifixion. Though a nerve block relieved that pain for a while, in the end she suffered its fullness. Again, she counted it all joy and faced it with that iron will, her eyes on Jesus. A few short months later, she went Home to be with God. In life and in death, she celebrated free life that did not come without a cost; her soul at last found its final rest. 

 

I am only one who loved this precious woman of God, she was precious to many, but I remember and miss her every single day. As I face each new dawn and dusk, I hear the words to one of her favorite hymns Carolina Sandell Berg, modeling the acceptant trust with which she lived all the days of her life, Day by Day:

 

Help me then, in every tribulation,

So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,

That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation,

Offered me within Thy holy Word.

Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,

E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,

One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,

Till with Christ the Lord I stand.

Feeding on Mystery…

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In 1,000 Gifts, Ann Voskamp explains that the Hebrew word “manna” means mystery. In their wandering in the wilderness on the way to the Promised Land, the food the God of heaven and earth rained down on the Israelites was literally mystery. The sweet manna bread was given purposefully to be only sufficient for one day at a time, keeping the children of Israel continuously dependent on God to supply their each and every need day by day. No matter how many days God provided faithfully for them, they wondered with each new one if He could do it again. So it is for His children today: we are dependent on His provision each and every day. He faithfully provides for our needs, yet we are often filled with doubt that He will do it again. Our lives are full of paradoxes: glories and suffering fall on us all; rain falls on both the just and the unjust. So much is unexplained; our walk with the Lord can be nothing besides a walk of faith. We feed on mystery too.

 

In A Chance to Die, Elisabeth Elliott’s captivating biography of missionary Amy Carmichael, a letter is quoted that was sent to her by her mother. Amy had suffered a fall that caused an abnormal nerve response throughout her whole body. It left her bedridden for the rest of her life. These words encouraged Amy’s remarkable faith and  trust in the Lord that would be an example to many around the world in the coming years:

“He who hath led will lead, all through the wilderness.

He who hath fed will feed.

He who hath heard thy cry, will never close His ear.

He who hath marked Thy faintest sigh, will not forget thy tear.

He loveth always, faileth never, so rest in Him today, forever.”

 

I too, am currently in what could be called a wilderness season; I seem to have lost the path to the Promised Land. Trials of health and loss of career have led me out of Egypt and into a new place of dependence; the path is unknown and seems illuminated only one step at a time. I feed on mystery meted out in doses sufficient for each day. But if I’m wandering in circles through desert, I’m not wandering there alone. God has provided sweet sustenance through His presence and the companionship of true friends. He has fed my soul with beauty and peace; even the prickly cacti bloom in the barren land. I’m reminded of the prayer of George VI at the dawning of a new year:

“I said to the man at the gate of the year: ‘Give me a light, that I may walk safely into the unknown.’ He said to me, ‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. It shall be to you better than the light and safer than the known.”

 

And so it is, and so shall it be. We put our hands into the hands of God and feed on the manna of His mysteries. We give thanks for it, break it, share it, and we call it…grace.

The Body of Christ, Crucified…

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Church is important to me, and at least until my health became poor several years ago, I was very involved in ministry within it. Lately, however, I’ve been discovering I feel pretty apathetic towards it. I still love to worship in it, to raise my voice in song and take communion with others, to listen to messages that dig deep into the Word. To be quite honest, though, there’s something about it that can be so exhausting. The people who inhabit churches can be so broken, as we all can be. On the flip side, I’ve also been the recipient of generosity, grace and lots more love than I could ever deserve from people within churches. I’m not meaning to throw punches, and certainly have no right to cast stones; I know I can’t remain in apathy or disconnection, and that my eyes should be on God alone. It seems, however, that if there’s something to this whole faith thing, and I know that I know that there is, there should be something different about church.

 

I remember reading somewhere years ago, though I’m not sure of the source, an explanation of church that has helped me in accepting this, or at least it made it all so much more comprehensible. It explained that the Body of Christ, the Church, is still the broken body of Christ. Though often filled with wonderful and well-intentioned people, and inhabited by the Holy Spirit, the Church will not be the resurrected and perfected Body of Christ until the day our Savior returns. One day, we too, shall be like Him; for now, we are all still being sanctified. Sometimes, as when the church welcomes all into its doors and steps out into communities and preaches with actions and not just words, reaches out its hands to help those in need, we are like Him even now. Others, we are broken and bleeding and wounded…but still, the blood flows down from the Savior who died to bring all men to Him. As the band Casting Crowns said in their song “If We Are the Body”, may we continue striving to be His arms reaching, His hands healing, His words teaching, His feet going, His love showing [the world] there is a way.

 

Photo Credits, & an Interesting Article: http://www.charismanews.com/us/53715-study-thousands-of-churches-closing-every-year-but-there-is-a-silver-lining

“The Wonder of It All”…

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A dear friend once gave me a card that said “Never lose your sense of wonder.” Coming from her, this encouragement carries great weight for me; it becomes an inspiration because it reflects a life grounded in both reality and wonder. Though nearing retirement and a veteran of more than her fair share of life’s challenges, she’s never lost her curiosity and amazement with life and the Lord. I came to know her as my mentor and friend when I moved to the town where I began my first long-term teaching job. She taught high school, and helped me learn to do the same. Her contagious vivacity and wit, as well as natural way of connecting and empathizing with youth, make people assume she’s twenty years younger than she actually is. She always downplays her own role in this, claiming that teaching keeps us young. Indeed, I have found this to be true, but most especially so when we as teachers are willing to be affected by all those we teach. She’s ever-willing, and because she is, her life in turn, has profoundly affected those of the students she taught.
Though we no longer teach together, I still consider her my mentor. As a teacher and a person, she is a force as awesome and resilient as nature herself. There are powerful influences in her life that have often attempted to determine and shape her reality, but she has staunchly refused to acquiesce.  Though at times her circumstances have seemed challenging, she faithfully cultivates joy one day at a time, continuously searches for reasons to laugh, walks determinedly in faith and not by sight, and pursues connections that pull her into spheres of positivity. I’ve known her almost ten years now, and in that time, she’s adopted me, welcoming me into her home and family as if I were a second daughter. When I became sick with a chronic illness, she cared for me. She has seen and understood me at the times where it seemed like few others could. She has refused to let me give up or give in to negativity, most effectively by her own example. Edith Wharton, the first woman to win the Pulitzer Prize for Literature, once said something that seems to purposefully describe my friend: “One can remain alive  long past the usual date of expiration, if one is unafraid of change, happy in small ways, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, and interested in big things.” My wonderful friend has lived in such a way, and therefore, remains not just alive, but ALIVE.  In other words, my friend lives out God’s granting of another’s request: “I do not ask to know the reason for it all; I ask only, to know the wonder of it all” (Heschel, Abraham). May we all be continually captivated by the wonder of it all.

Offering the Cup of Salvation…

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The Psalmist echoes what I would imagine Bartimaeus sang in praise:

 

“I love the LORD, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy.  Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live….Then I called on the name of the LORD: ‘O LORD< save me!…our God is full of compassion…when I was in great need, He saved me….For You, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living…” (Psalm 116).

 

“How can I repay the LORD for all His goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation, and call upon the Name of the LORD.” This is the response our Messiah, our promised and long-expected One desires from us.  When we are granted our freedom, our sight, may we have eyes to see those around us living in darkness.  When our thirst is satisfied by His rivers, may we lift His cup to the thirsty.  
Doing this work with Jesus will not only bless others, but as Mother Teresa says, it will make us happy too.   “If we pray the work…if we do it TO Jesus…if we do it FOR Jesus…THAT is what makes us CONTENT.”

Anchored in the His Harvest…

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A friend of mine was once  given a vision and a strong mental picture of harvesting. She saw a girl walking through a corn field, ripe for harvest. As the girl walked, the storm winds blew & endangered all that had grown. As she faced the storm, she carried a large anchor, & began to cast it against the wind, into the harvest field. Again & again, as the storms buffeted all that had been produced by hard labor & careful care, the girl made this choice. Again & again, she threw her anchor into the harvest.

 

It reminds me of Bebo Norman’s song entitled “All That I Have Sown”, which describes what ultimately comes of each of our lives:

 

And all that grows is our story told

As life unfolds here before

The peace we found in that broken ground

I can see them in the harvest…of all that I have sown

And when my life is done

I pray the kingdom come

And take me to Glory

It’s living inside me

It was planted like a seed

All to tell a story
It’s “all to tell a story”. The tasks given to each of us may require a hard, committed constant endeavor, and at times, can feel very lonely. We must encourage each other to take heart, and together, courageously cast out our anchors over and over again. Matthew tells us that Jesus said, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Pray therefore that the Lord will send out workers into His harvest field.” Even prayer may feel like a long labor, and trusting the season of harvest awaits us may require immense faith; we are only capable of this great work as we are filled with God’s strength. As we anchor ourselves in a harvest that is most often unseen, truly, we anchor ourselves in Him. In Him is “all our hope & stay” (On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand).

Trees of Life…

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There’s not much that stirs my soul quite so much as the simplicity of a tree blowing in a strong wind. All those leaves, the growth, the color & life, the resiliency, the acceptance of the sun & wind & warmth & cold…it moves me. The thing about trees is that they are rooted. If those roots go down deep & have been steadily nourished over time, there’s not much that can budge a tree. We too, need our roots to sink down deep into rich soil. If we are founded in Him, fed by His Word, then, we too shall be unmoved by the storms & circumstantial weather of life. The songwriter Dennis Jernigan sings about this beautifully: “Though the winds may blow, He is my shelter….He is constantly watching over me.”

 

In Proverbs 3, Solomon speaks of wisdom being “a tree of life to those who embrace her”. It seems that’s a promise for us as well, at least in two senses:

  1. We can embrace the wisdom of God, & be given Life….maybe even a taste of the Life that was offered in the Garden of Eden, where that tree was originally found.
  2. As we pursue that Life, we can share its wisdom with others, offering them to chance to embrace it too, becoming shelter for them as they root themselves in Him.  

The prophet Isaiah assures us in Chapter 62: “This will be for the Lord’s renown, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.”

“I’m Coming for You”-

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I have this friend who just embodies generosity. I don’t know how she does it, but she just continuously pours out to all around her, yet still remains completely whole. If there’s a need, she always seems to be there to fill it. What’s more, & this is an amazing gift, everywhere she is, she’s fully present right in that place. The first thing she did was share with me her kids, her greatest treasure, as students & as friends.  And then, she just never stopped giving, becoming the truest of friends. You just can’t escape her love.

They say that love has languages (Gary Chapman), & that most people express themselves best through either acts of service, gifts, quality time, touch, or words of affirmation. I can pinpoint most people’s native tongue pretty quickly, but though I’ve known this friend many years, I just can’t seem to tell about her. She does them all, over & over again, living out what’s been said: “Love is the infinite victory.” Maybe, it’s really love that she embodies. 

God’s like that. He just embodies generous love. He continuously pours Himself out, yet remains completely whole. When you really need Him, He just knows.He’s just there, fully present right in that place. First He shared Himself, & designed us from before eternity; then, He shared His Son, His most precious treasure. He just never stops giving, never stops speaking each of our languages of love, never stops pursuing us all. Wherever we go, there He is, as if He’s saying, “I’m coming for you, I’m coming for you, wherever you go” (Audrey Assad). However far we may run, we can’t outrun His love (Psalm 139:7-12, Romans 8:35-39). It truly is THE infinite victory. Maybe, He really IS Love.