Just a Farmer…

He’s always said he was just a farmer. Just. As if that were a simple achievement.  Many before him had tried & failed to make 160 acres of Iowa land their own. He tilled his own land for many years in a time when the corporate U. S. farmers began to really take things over. Hanging on to one’s own land required a steady touch & hard work, strength & patience, resilience & perseverance. In order to mold the land, one had to be willing to be molded by it. Those who would tend to that rich Iowa farmland produced strong crops of corn & soybeans. Those who could surrender to the land’s natural rhythms found themselves enlarged in kind; their lives yielded faithfully, just as the fertile soil.

 

He was only a soldier who did his duty. Only. Alongside many others, he helped to turn the tide of evil & tyranny that threatened to consume the earth in its second world war. My grandpa’s quiet humility is typical of what has been termed the greatest generation. in 1942 at the age of twenty, he’d enlisted in the U.S. Coast Guard & trained in Baltimore before being stationed at the largest U.S. naval base in Norfolk, Virginia. Though he could have remained stationed there, he asked for sea duty. In times of peace, the Guard stayed close to our shores, but in World War II, it came to the aid of all our boys stationed throughout the world. As a small part of efforts to bring aid & transport troops, he’d crossed the Equator many times, passed through the Strait of Gibraltar, Suez & Panama Canals. His ship sailed to Calcutta, India & what is now Pakistan, had seen the Philippines & much of the South Pacific by the time he got out in 1946. They were crossing through the Strait of Gibraltar when they learned the war was over in ‘45. All his brothers & brothers-in-law had also joined up, & they all came back home safe, never forgetting how fortunate they were to have done so. That simple Iowa farmer had seen the world, had been a part of saving it.

Lovers of Peace…

“Act justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). These are the qualities God asks us to demonstrate with our lives when He is asked by His people “What does the Lord require of us?”. This word comes in the Old Testament, an age that was under the Law. Even from then, the things God asks of us are really quite simple, but most certainly, simultaneously quite profound. In a way, they can be summed up in a code of peace. We are to have peace with God, peace with others, & peace within ourselves. If that peace exists, these qualities will be consistently demonstrated in our lives. In the New Testament, Jesus & his disciples often command us to be lovers of peace, & peace is also delineated as one of the pieces of the “armor of God”. Paul tells us to put it on every day in Ephesians 6:15: “having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace.” The Gospel simply means “good news”, & we associate this with God’s gift of salvation from our sins & darkness through the sacrifice of His Son Jesus.

 

But…there’s a piece of this armor that I’ve often missed. Not only does donning God’s armor mean we are equipped with that Word of the Gospel…it also means we must demonstrate the PEACE that news brings to our lives (The Armor of God, Priscilla Shirer). That PEACE is what speaks into the hearts & minds of those around us. It’s what equips & empowers us to live in hope & life. If we don’t demonstrate it, then we’re not “speaking” His good news to the world in action & deed. Perhaps that means we’re not truly allowing His Spirit to empower us in the moment-by-moment living. Another piece of good news, however, is that this peace is not something we can produce on our own, it is described as a fruit & byproduct of His Holy Spirit working in us (Galatians 5:22-23). After accepting His salvation, all we must do is allow His Spirit to work within us as His vessels. We must simply allow His PEACE to PERMEATE our hearts & minds & souls if we are to offer it over & over again to a broken world living without His hope & His life. I want to soak it in, and let it permeate my thoughts…and heart…and words…and relationships.

Standing on the Promises…

I’ve said this liturgy of promises to myself over & over again, most often in times of great anxiety or distress. Almost fifteen years ago, in such a time, God reminded me that I could rest assured in any situation by claiming His Word. Psalm 94:19 says: “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation, O LORD, brought joy to my soul”. As I poured out my heart to Him that evening, it was as if He began to assure me of the unfailing promises I could always hold. I found myself listing them off on my fingers, finishing with exactly enough for two full handfuls. I call them my “Finger Promises”:

 

    1. God is w/ me, & will always be with me. (Isaiah 41:10, 43:2; Zephaniah 3:17)
    2. God loves me, & will always love me. (Psalm 136, Jeremiah 31:3, Romans 8:35-38)
    3. God is at work in my life, & He will always be at work in my life. (Psalm 121:7, Philippians 1:4, II Corinthians 2:14)
    4. God is in control, & I am not, for He is God, & I am not. (Psalm 135:6, Romans 8:27)
    5. No matter how circumstances appear, He is always at work for my good & His glory. (Isaiah 48:9, Romans 8:28-32, II Corinthians 9:8)
    6. He desires to give me the desires of my heart. (Psalm 16:11, Psalm 37:4)
    7. He has plans to prosper me, & not to harm me, to give me a future & a hope. (Jer. 29:11, Lamentations 3:31-33)
    8. God will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I can bear, & always lends me His strength. (I Corinthians 10:13, II Corinthians 12:9)
    9. The Lord’s timing & plan for my life are perfect. (Psalm 138:8, Isaiah 46:10)
    10. His love for me is perfect. (Isaiah 49:15-16, Romans 8:32, Galatians 4:7, I John 3:1,16)

 
The mere fact that I’ve never struggled to remember this list, and that each promise seems as clear to me now as it was the night they were given, seems to me a sign that God Himself wrote them on my heart. As I’ve searched the Scripture since, I’ve found multiple verses to support every single one. They assure my heart in each and every situation I face. No matter what, I’ll be okay. He hasn’t forgotten me, He never will. His love will always sustain me. His hand will never stop shaping my life to His purposes. Because of these promises I can stand and say with confidence: “I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship” (Louisa May Alcott). Let us continually take His promises up in our hands and hold them close, let us stand upon them as a sure foundation. He is always enough to satisfy our souls and fill our lives to overflowing.

Tenderness…

 Anyone who listens to a music playlist of mine comments that I must be a “hopeless romantic”. Those who know me best would say that’s true, but in a different way than it might first appear. I never thought that mine would be a temperament satisfied with anything less than a tangible romantic love, but here I am, thirty-five and still single, and content. It’s only by the grace of God I can call myself a hopeFUL romantic. Since high school, I’ve prayed that God would turn all of the desires of that naturally hopeless romantic heart towards Him. He has answered my prayer, as He always does. When I hear a love song now, most often, my first thoughts are of Him. A great favorite is the song “Love Me, Tender”.

 

Though the word tenderness seems to have gone out of style with Elvis, it’s a wonderful word, and so perfect a description of the character of our Lord. Its synonyms include: kindness, kindliness, kindheartedness, tenderheartedness, compassion, care, concern, sympathy, humanity, warmth, fatherliness, motherliness, gentleness, benevolence, generosity. In Lamentations 3, the prophet Jeremiah states that the “tender mercies of the Lord” are new every morning. His is the only love that is merciful in every capacity, gentle in its every dealing, compassionate in its every gaze. The words of the song capture His unfailing love, the Love that can fulfill all our dreams, and take us into its heart, filling us with everlasting joy:

 

Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go,

You have made my life complete and I love you so.

Love me tender, love me sweet, all my dreams fulfilled,

For my darling, I love you and I always will.

Love me tender, love me long, take me to your heart.

For it’s there that I belong and we’ll never part.

Love me tender, love me sweet, all my dreams fulfilled,

For my darling, I love you and I always will.

Love me tender, love me dear, tell me you are mine,

I’ll be yours through all the years till the end of time.

Love me tender, love me sweet, all my dreams fulfilled,

For my darling, I love you and I always will.

Surrendering to Rest …

I’ve been called particular and highly organized  by some, “persnickety” by my father. My physical therapist once commented on how strongly my body seems to like the predictable. I once joked with a counselor about how my family and friends exaggerated these tendencies by terming them as “OCD: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder”. She asked me to describe them and then remarked that she didn’t think the term was an exaggeration at all. Though I was surprised, I shouldn’t be. I like my world in order, and attempt to control what I can. It seems I can take chaos in stride until my physical environment is disorganized, but if it is, at those times, those who know me best know to keep a safe distance. Though it has its advantages, it makes finding rest challenging: it plays out most when it’s the least productive thing for me to do, like when I’m tired. Despite my stubborn resistance, rest is a habit my body demands I learn; I’m learning to let go, or at least practicing.

 

I’ve definitely tried to be a marathon runner in this journey of life, pushed myself to complete exhaustion more times than I care to count. I’m learning, oh so slowly, to become a weightlifter instead. When I’m diligent and following God’s rhythms, I rest after I work, and then to re-apply myself once recharged. For better or for worse, I’m reliant on His strength every hour of every day. As a teenager, I once asked God to do whatever He had to in my life, to keep me dependent on Him. Apparently, He knew my stubborn heart would need a lot of shaping and refining. I definitely didn’t know what I was getting myself into with such a request, but still find myself grateful He faithfully granted its fulfillment. Though at times it’s been painful, it hasn’t been without great reward; I’m blessed that He has given me Himself. I rejoice to sing with Matt Maher, “Lord, I Need You”:

 

Lord, I come, I confess

Bowing here I find my rest

Without You I fall apart

You’re the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You

Every hour I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more

Where grace is found is where You are

And where You are, Lord, I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Faithfulness of Perseverance…

It strikes me that the saints of old are often called the faithful. The most famous example of this must be in the beloved Christmas hymn “O Come All Ye Faithful”. Those of us with even a small acquaintance with humanity know that none of us are naturally saintly nor faithful. What is it that enabled these pilgrims to be found thus, and in so doing, to become “joyful and triumphant”? What would allow us to do the same?

In the “Faith Hall of Fame” begun in Hebrews 11, those such as Abraham and Moses are referenced because they believed that God had power to do what He proclaimed, and were obedient, even unto death, despite great obstacles. It could be said they persevered in the calling God gave them regardless of the circumstances.Merriam-Webster defines perseverance as “continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition: the action or condition or an instance of persevering : steadfastness.” Paul wrote to Timothy, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race” (II Timothy 4:7). I have always thought of the two statements as two different accomplishments, but maybe they are one and the same. Maybe to be faithful, we just have to run our races, not win any prizes. Maybe we simply have to stay the course. 
Today, we promise to be faithful in everything from attendance to marriage, and yet so few of us are. For most, it has come to mean loyal, or steadfast in fulfilling one’s promises or obligations. If we simply dissect the building blocks of the word, it is to be full of faith, but its definition parallels that of perseverance“loyal, constant, staunch, steadfast, resolute, firm in adherence to whatever one owes allegiance, implying unswerving adherence to a person or thing or to the oath or promise by which a tie was contracted” (Merriam-Webster)It would seem it is working in tandem with God, and taking Him at His word, that enables us to embody such constancy and unswerving devotion, and gives us the tools to persevere.

 

God makes us faithful, by being faithful to us. Each day, He asks us to run the course He’s set before us, and each day, He acts as our trainer and guide, as well as our fuel and our rest. I’ve found if I’ll just show up & take that first step forward, He’ll take me the rest of the way; irregardless, He shows up every day. He invites all to come, regardless of their qualifications or the training needed. The end results are in His hands, and regardless of how we place, He is “quick to mark even the simplest of efforts to please [Him]” (Tozer, A.W., The Attributes of God). He offers Himself to as the prize., and in so doing, He Himself is glorified. As we, the faithful, sing out each Christmas to THE Faithful One: “Jesus, to Thee be all glory given…..Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing…. O Come, let us adore Him….O Come, let us adore Him, Christ the Lord” (“O Come All Ye Faithful”, Wade & Reading).

The Gift of Presence…

There’s a faithfulness in presence. On the other side of my Grandma Thelma’s kitchen, and the table she always seemed to have prepared, sat Grandpa Ray in his screened back porch. No matter when we’d arrive for a visit, there he’d be in his chair, calmly smoking his pipe, ever composed and even-keeled. He never seemed caught off guard: throughout each day until supper and sunset, there he remained sentinel, regardless of what moved around him. He wasn’t an excitable man, and despite having spent his life as a barber, he wasn’t a talkative one. Even as a child, I wondered why he held himself aloof, always a bit removed even from those he loved most. I still know relatively little about his life, beyond the fact that he married my grandma when my dad was in high school, after my dad’s biological father had passed away. Grandpa Ray was the only paternal grandfather I knew, and though he never said he word, I knew he adored us. He  died soon after Grandma passed, so in my mind and in that reality, he was always with her.
Though I never understood his cautious engagement with life and people, I think it was through him that I first learned that presence itself is a gift. Grandpa Ray was an observer of the quiet and beauty around him, enjoying his vantage point of the lane through the apple orchard and the bluff of southwestern Wisconsin. More than that, he regarded relationships and life with acceptance and wisdom. On the rare occasion where he would choose to comment, it was clear he’d been paying attention all along, and his voice was respected. “[His] good opinion [was] rarely bestowed, and therefore more worth the earning” (Austen, Jane. Pride & Prejudice). Though he was a man of few words, on the rare occasion he was out of the house, it felt rather empty without him. By the time I knew him, and perhaps before, he’d realized he could do little to control life, little he could understand of it. Still, he faithfully offered his attendance, and stood beside us all; his was the faithful gift of presence.

The Inevitability of Hope: Esperanza…

In her beautiful novel Gilead, Marilynne Robinson’s protagonist astutely notes, “We are never out of light, we just turn around in it.” David said it too in the 139th Psalm:

 

“Where can I go from your spirit, where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I make my bed in the depth, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light become night around me’, even the darkness will not be dark to you, the night will shine as the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

 

Such statements would seem to describe our existence on earth. We cannot escape the light and love and presence of God, and yet we dwell in the valley of the shadow, where we cannot yet fully enter in. Though I cannot escape His love, I am also unable to avoid waiting for its full realization. To be able to enter fully into the presence of peace one day is our hope; hope is essential to life. I remember feeling caught off guard once as I read Paul’s observations on hope in Romans 5:3-5:

 

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because suffering produces perseverance, and perseverance, character, and character, hope; and hope does not disappoint us, because God has filled us with His love by the power of His Holy Spirit.”

 

I was in my early 20’s, and processing several years of experiences that had been traumatic for various reasons. The passage struck me because I felt jaded, and in my cynicism, had begun to assume hope could only be the product of naivité, something generally found at the outset of experience, but not at its end. This verse asserts the opposite: Hope comes as the fruit of suffering, perseverance and character; if hope is founded on the true love of God, it cannot lead to disappointment. As Paul says later in Romans, the eighth chapter, “Nothing can separate us from the love of God.”
It encourages me to think that though there are times I might not always feel hopeful, I can trust that it is still a possibility of whatever process I am in. In Spanish, the verb for “to hope” is the exact same as both the verbs for “to wait” and “to expect”. Though in English, the terms are nuanced, when viewed as they are understood in Spanish, it seems true we cannot separate them. “Who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we cannot see, we wait for it patiently” (Romans 8:25). Paul also felt the terms and their practices were inseparable. Esperanza: hope and expectation, inextricably intertwined. If waiting is unavoidable, perhaps too, expecting and hoping are inevitable: “We are never out of light, we just turn around in it.”

Offering the Cup of Salvation…

The Psalmist echoes what I would imagine Bartimaeus sang in praise:

 

“I love the LORD, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy.  Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live….Then I called on the name of the LORD: ‘O LORD< save me!…our God is full of compassion…when I was in great need, He saved me….For You, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living…” (Psalm 116).

 

“How can I repay the LORD for all His goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation, and call upon the Name of the LORD.” This is the response our Messiah, our promised and long-expected One desires from us.  When we are granted our freedom, our sight, may we have eyes to see those around us living in darkness.  When our thirst is satisfied by His rivers, may we lift His cup to the thirsty.  
Doing this work with Jesus will not only bless others, but as Mother Teresa says, it will make us happy too.   “If we pray the work…if we do it TO Jesus…if we do it FOR Jesus…THAT is what makes us CONTENT.”

“Looking for An Answer to a Question I Can’t Name”

I learned a long time ago to stop asking questions of others if I don’t want to hear their answers. At least that’s the case most of the time, with most people. It’s definitely a different story when it comes to God; despite my best efforts to predict and control my circumstances, He always seems to answer in the most unexpected ways. Sometimes His responses takes my breath away with how wondrous they are; others, they can stop me in my tracks with how much they seem to wound. He’s hard for us all to comprehend. Mostly, it seems my questions have to do with the problem of pain, essentially asking why I and others must suffer. Christian apologist Ravi Zacharias points out that only a Western worldview would allow this question. Isn’t it funny that we frequently question why we deserve to suffer, but rarely consider why a just God has freely given us so much love and grace and beauty?

 

Just maybe, I’m trying to reconcile the irreconcilable. Still, I can’t seem to stop wondering why things happen as they do. Why are we all living our lives as if we’re trying to tip the scales in our favor, when we have to know that’s not the way it works? Maybe, as Norah Jones sang, “I’m looking for an answer to a question I can’t name”. Author Marilynne Robinson reflects on this too:

 

“Things happen for reasons that are hidden from us, utterly hidden for as long as we think they must proceed from what has come before, our guilt or our deserving, rather than coming to us from a future that God in his freedom offers to us… My meaning here is that you really can’t account for what happens by what has happened in the past, as you understand it anyway, which may be very different from the past itself. If there is such a thing….Of course misfortunes have opened the way to blessings you would never have thought to hope for, that you would not have been ready to understand as blessings if they had come to you in your youth, when you were uninjured, innocent. The future always finds us changed. So then it is part of the providence of God, as I see it, that blessing or happiness can have very different meanings from one time to another. This is not to say that joy is a compensation for loss, but that each of them, joy and loss, exists in its own right and must be recognized for what it is. Sorrow is very real, and loss feels very final to us. Life on earth is difficult and grave, and marvelous. Our experience is fragmentary. Its parts don’t add up. They don’t even belong in the same calculation. Nothing makes sense until we understand that experience does not accumulate like money, or memory, or like years and frailties. Instead it is presented to us by a God who is not under any obligation to the past except in His eternal, freely given constancy. Because I don’t mean to suggest that experience is random or accidental, you see. When I say that much the greater part of our existence is unknowable by us because it rests with God, who is unknowable, I acknowledge His grace in allowing us to feel that we know any slightest part of it” (Lila, Farrar, Straus and Giroux; pp. 222-223).

 

Perhaps it’s natural I don’t understand God’s working, when there’s so much about Him that simply can’t be known yet, and so much of what we do know defies understanding. I’m a spectator in a parade, and He’s the grand marshal, looking at His creation from a view up above. As C.S. Lewis says of his character Aslan, and in so doing describes and untamable God: “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”  Who could worship a god that was at our level, that didn’t defy our logic? What can we do but stand in awe? As Chris Tomlin sings, it’s good He’s “Indescribable”:

“Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.

You are amazing God

All powerful, untamable,

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God”.