Category: Contentment

Chain Breaking Words…

sparrowsong1 Comment

I keep a large journal in which I paste cut-out words and phrases that have meaning for me. They’re usually those I find in a magazine, many times coupled with a captivating image that grabs my attention or resonates in a particular way. 

The idea first came from something I read about working with teens. Adolescents often find it difficult to put words to what they’re feeling and experiencing, so it can be helpful to take out an old stack of newspapers and magazines and encourage them to cut out whatever feels true and inspires them right now, then paste it into a collage. It can be helpful to sit alongside them and do the same. My niece and I did the activity once at a time when she was closed off from meaningful conversation. When she stopped the activity after just a few words, staring at a mostly blank page, I was there to pass a few words on to her, reminding her she is amazing, beautiful, loved, and strong. It was a powerful experience, providing us windows into her soul and mine. 

Don’t we all struggle at times, in this busy world we live in, to listen to the whispers within? For this reason, this word search collage is a practice I’ve continued. Words have the power of life and death, and for many of us, there are words and lies we have believed about ourselves that have wrapped us in chains. This is one practice I use to break those chains. When I’m feeling the most hurried, disquieted, discouraged, or disconnected from myself, a pair of scissors, an old magazine, and my collage journal (preferably accompanied by Norah Jones or Hillsong), are welcome friends. Leafing through what I’ve pasted in my journal has the power to whisper back to me what my heart and soul are crying out for, what my core values and priorities are, and to remind me of who I truly am.

For example, on so many pages are images of smiling women in hammocks or on stand-up paddleboards, or sitting in comfy armchairs or front porches. The image of a woman at rest, enjoying life obviously calls to me, as do the words, “Rest; rejuvenate; sleep, reclaiming a place; simple ways to refresh; wholesome loving care from this day forward.” Words about being present sound out like a clarion call. “Revel in the great outdoors; watch the extraordinary moments unfold; discover the moment; life’s better when you’re in it; be there; mind every moment; make the most of your day.”

Other phrases remind me of what’s important to me, “Live with all your heart; create a lasting legacy; giving is good; unconditional love, getting closer; collect experiences, not things; always seek your inner light; look deep into nature.” Many remind me of my calling and encourage me to go after my dreams, “Find the perfect stories; stories are important and deserve to be told.”

There are those that say, “Live happily ever after,” or “The best is yet to come,” that encourage my heart to hope when it feels a bit low. Some, like, “Choose happiness,” which I combined with, “It’s time, right now,” that inspire me in my attitudes and choices. And others, “Take it outside; Dress like a box of crayons; Life is eating, laughing, and loving,” just remind me to have FUN. 
Sometimes I look through my book and am amazed to see the person buried deep inside me. At others, I’m just glad to see her again. My book helps me to hear Emily Dickinson’s voice nudging, “The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience…. Dwell in possibility.” Most often, the words whisper the voice of God, telling me His truth that supersedes any other voice, reminding me of His love that is immense and unconditional, speaking His words that break every chain.

The Sounds of Silence…

sparrowsongLeave a comment

Recently, I took a course on nature writing that got me writing, thinking, quiet, outdoors, observing, and appreciating in new ways. Here are a few musings that came out of it…the “sounds” of silence:

 

The creek’s water rushes by where I sit in the meadow, slowed by the dam the ranchers have set to divert its course. Snow runoff continues to crawl and creep down our mountains, though there’s far too little of it this year.

 

A bird sounds from a place I cannot see in the tall cottonwoods that flank the trees. Suddenly, he soars, fearlessly diving into the clear blue sunny sky. I see it is a sparrow’s song that lightened the afternoon.

 

The wind stirs everything around me, from the houndstongue flower and milkvetch grass of the meadow to the shrubs and trees. It winds and wanders its way up to the jagged peaks of the Cimarron Range of the San Juans. These foothills of Chimney and Courthouse Peaks are my home. Here, I return to the sound of a heartbeat that is not my own, yet welcomes me into itself.

 

The wind returns to me, settling in the banks of the river and its trees, stirring my soul. I’m reminded of what Wendell Berry said, “Write a poem that does not disturb the silence from which it came.”

 

*****

 

I journeyed to the lake today in the quiet morning hours.

What a gift to sit on the sunny shore almost alone—

to see the easy morning tide and the ripples on the water,

the light that hits variant colors of stone.

On the rocky banks grow green grasses, weeds, and trees,

mama cottonwoods and their babies. 

I admire those plants that come to thrive 

out of the barren, hard, seemingly lifeless places.

There is life everywhere.

I find one shooting out of both rock and water with baby’s breath flowers,

though my field guide says it is broadleaved pepperweed.

Some “weeds” that grow in our lives seem undesirable at first,

But they bloom and flower and surprise, shading us and others with their leaves.

“Invincible Summer in the Midst of Winter…”

sparrowsong1 Comment

Okay, so it’s late April and  officially spring, but in southwestern Colorado, it can be hard to tell in the month of April. Admittedly, we’re officially spoiled here–our state sees the sun shine an average of 360 days per year. This month, a couple hours a day is often all we get. The wind, cold, icy rain, and occasional snow give it the unmistakable feel of ongoing winter. With a global pandemic and the isolation of sheltering in place, it’s easy to let the doldrums of the season overcome. 

And yet, the red-winged blackbirds who arrived over a month ago sing their spring song and balance on the thinnest of branches regardless of the storms. They remind me of the thoughts of great thinkers of long ago. Albert Camus wrote, “In the midst of winter, I finally discovered that deep within me lies an invincible summer.” Transcendentalist Henry David Thoreau encouraged, “Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of each.” What lovely reminders that wherever we’re at, there are pleasures and beauty to be found and enjoyed, moment by moment. Summer can always be cultivated within us.

In my own winter mentality moments, I continue to grieve for the loss of a career I loved due to poor health. Although it’s been a couple of years since I quit teaching full-time, I struggle to find my place in the professional world. For the second year in a row, I applied for a job I hoped might be the solution and didn’t get it. As I lamented to a friend the difficulty of no longer being valued or known in this professional realm, she reminded me of the TRUTH. I am absolutely valued and known, seen and heard. My God has not forgotten me and will walk with me through this season. Psalm 18:19 assures me He brings me out into a place of abundance because He delights in me.

 
In Lamentations, the prophet Jeremiah, writing in a time of great personal and societal suffering, said, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness” (Lam. 3:22-23, NIV). Brother Lawrence, a saint of old, saw all men like trees in winter, stripped of color, leaf, and anything of value–yet loved unconditionally. Though I am a humble tree in winter, struggling toward warmth and light, I will “…live this season as it passes…” knowing “…within me lies an invincible summer.”

“Be Like the Bird…”-

sparrowsong3 Comments

We all have times where it feels like the ground is falling out beneath our feet, when everything solid that we know suddenly disappears. The things we thought were firm and sure supports either cease to bear the full weight of our lives, become disconnected from one another, or crumble completely—our foundations are revealed to be faulty. As believers, we know that God is the only sure base, Christ is the Solid Rock, but our own expectations & experiences become subtly intermixed. 

 

Just as the birds, whose mothers often nudge or even push them out of the nest, these times are necessary if we are ever to find our wings. Victor Hugo has a poem that describes this well, & encourages us to find a song in the midst of this scary process of learning to fly: “Be like the bird who, halting in flight, on limb too slight, feels it give way beneath him, yet sings, knowing he hath wings.” Our worlds may shatter & our backs may buckle & our feet may falter, but the One who watches over us has not ignored our fall. Instead, He has equipped us with both wings and songs. 

 

A dear friend recently sent me a quote by Og Mandino that beautifully describes what it means to live with this kind of bravery:

 

“I will greet this day with love in my heart. And how will I do this? Henceforth will I look on all things with love and be born again. I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit. I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness as it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.” 

 

Just like the birds who learn to soar through the very experience they initially avoided at all costs, the experiences & skills we gain through the storms of life can offer such freedom. Though we are grounded earthlings, that will not always be the case; shouldn’t our human experiences include both flight & joyous song? Though the wind may blow and the limbs beneath us may give way, because God has offered us His everlasting embrace, we are safe.

“Just Another Ordinary Miracle Today”

sparrowsongLeave a comment

For the second time this year, my husband has undergone major surgery. The last time, it was an emergency situation that caught us both by surprise, almost took his life, and required a month of living in the hospital. This time, we planned for the follow-up reversal surgery. Though I feared our lives would spin out of control again the moment we stepped into the hospital, things went far better than expected. They found few symptoms of his auto-immune disease, he required no time in ICU, and we left after a stay of three short days, with the doctors and nurses amazed at his rapid healing.

 

I wish I could say it hadn’t come as a surprise to me. It’s true–I’ve prayed and believed for his healing many times over the past several months. Apparently, however, there were places of disbelief I held back. The moments I allowed my fear to be bigger than my faith are greater than I would like them to be. This experience, as well as others, provides a lesson in POSITIVITY. An unknown quote posted on my wall encourages me to become a “possibilitarian.” Eventually, gradually, purposefully…I hope and will work for conversion.

 

To ground myself, I remember the cadence of gratitude that came after a month in the hospital last spring: 

  1. Sleeping and waking up in our own bed, not to mention getting to sleep in the same bed.
  2. Cooking and eating our own food…mmmm…though I’m sure my husband will occasionally miss those mystery meat patties from the hospital.
  3. Looking out at the mountains instead of concrete and highway traffic.
  4. Sitting in the sun instead of a hospital bed as the sound of windchimes replaces hospital alarms. 
  5. Being outside and breathing fresh air with our dogs, enough to bring us both to tears! 
  6. Being able to sit on our couch without constant interruptions from the IV monitor or those we affectionately called the “cuddle police” at the hospital.
  7. Hot showers.
  8. Better sleep. No more daily or 4:30 am IV draws or middle of the night interruptions. 
  9. No more 6:30 am visits from the team of doctors, though we are thankful for the care they provided.
  10. Returning to life, not as we knew it, but some semblance thereof. 

 

Sarah McLachlan’s beautiful song, “Ordinary Miracle” reminds us that each day is full of these possibilities:

“It’s not that unusual

When everything is beautiful.

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.”

“Come Rain or Come Shine…”

sparrowsongLeave a comment

“Come Rain or Come Shine” was Billie Holiday’s song, & no one sings it like she did. Only she could so soulfully, so sweetly, so gently sing the words to what each & every one of our hearts long to hear from our beloved:

 

You’re gonna love me, like nobody’s loved me, come rain or come shine.

High as a mountain, deep as a river, come rain or come shine.

 

It’s such a beautiful song, & what an amazing promise it offers, but…do the words carry any truth? Is it really possible to find that elusive love, or even to faithfully offer it to another?

 

Though all good relationships are proved in their ability to weather the storms mentioned in this song, few in this world come close to dwelling in that symbiotic state where love is given & remains unfailing…always, forever. Life can be beautiful when we find love, but it can be messy too, just as anything involving human beings is. Our love falls short of being perfectly patient, kind, unconditional or selfless. Only through Jesus do we experience the satiating love whose width & breadth & height & depth all surpass our understanding. All tangible glimpses we are given here somehow first flowed from His throne. 

 

The love & friendship He offers us is truly incomprehensible to the human mind, truly intimate. Casting Crowns sings about the extravagance of His love: 

 

“Your love is extravagant, Your friendship intimate.

Spread wide in the arms of Christ, is the love that covers sin.

 No greater love have I ever known than You considered me a friend.

 You’ve captured my heart again.”

 

God knows our every flaw & failure, & loves us still, more than we can fathom. There is no fear in His love, for no matter what we do, He could never love us more or less than He already does. His love is already that complete. Zephaniah 3:17 tells us that He takes great delight in us, quiets us with His love, & rejoices over us with singing. 

 

His Word is His love letter to us, & His creation continually plays the melody of His song. In the words of John Denver in Annie’s Song, we could, in turn, say of our Lord:

 

You fill up my senses, like a night in the forest, like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain. 

Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean. You fill up my senses. Come fill me again.

Come, let me love you. Let me give my life to you. Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms.

Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you. Come, let me love you, come love me again.

 

We are made new in relationship with Him. We receive the love He has for us, but we also receive His ability to offer that heart to the world. An old poem by an unknown author says: “I love Thee Lord, but with no love of mine, for I have none to give. I love Thee Lord, but all the love is Thine, for by Thy love I live. I am as nothing, & rejoice to be, emptied & hollowed & swallowed up in Thee.” By His grace, we can boldly sing to my Saviour, Friend, Father & Beloved: 

 

“I’m gonna love you, like nobody’s loved you, come rain or come shine.

High as a mountain, deep as a river, come rain or come shine.”

“Feeding on Mystery: The Table Before Me…”

sparrowsong1 Comment

We all know it to be true…our lives can change in an instant, in a single breath. Some years crawl and plod on with seeming monotony, yet each day holds wonders untold. Then there are the days where something shifts. For better or worse, the unexpected comes. At times, among those surprises are the things we’ve long hoped and prayed for, revealing the unbelief that resided in our hearts all along. At others, unspoken fears are realized or loss we never imagined possible occurs. We must find ways to accept life’s ambiguity and mystery in order to find happiness and peace.

 

In her stunning book 1,000 Gifts, Ann Voskamp provides an eloquent exposition of the Hebrew word manna, meaning, “What is it?” As the Israelites exited their time of slavery in Egypt and began their desert journey to the Promised Land, God rained down manna bread from heaven to nourish them each day. Though plentiful, they couldn’t store it up—each family could gather only what it could eat in a day and must trust God’s provision would be there again the next day. Though delicious, this was to be their sustenance for forty years—meal after meal, day after day. Amazed at first by the miracle God faithfully performed on their behalf, the Israelites cried out in wonder, “What is it?” But as the days and years of wandering in a barren place wore on, their amazement soon turned to grumbling.

 

This is so true in my own life. At first, when God provides for me in the dry places, I’m inclined to see His hand and marvel at His goodness and might. As time goes by, however, my eyes are blinded to the countless ways He works on my behalf. Contentment soon changes to dissatisfaction. I grow tired of feeding on mystery and desire to simply understand the purpose of it all.

 

In Psalm 23:5, David writes, “He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies.” There’s never a shortage of enemies in life, though they come in many forms. The promise, however, is that there is always a table prepared for ME in His presence. I don’t expect or desire it to be filled with mystery, with provisions that are difficult to identify. But so it is. God asks me to take the bread He has given, that He has been broken in order to break with me, and to call it grace. And so I will.

 

The following verse of Psalm 23 states, “Surely goodness & mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Though unknown, though highly unpredictable…surely good things are in store. As Albert Einstein said, “There are two ways in which you can live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle, or you can live as if everything is a miracle.” 

***Photo Credits: lovedoes.org

“No Longer Slaves…”

sparrowsongLeave a comment

In order to get a handle on right thinking, I know I must also confront and master the worry in my life. It’s been said that worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair–always moving but never getting anywhere. Though that certainly rings true of my own experiences, I find worry a hard habit to break.

 

The tasks of daily living, finances, health, relationships, and work are just a few of the themes that call for our attention and time. With every breath, I realize more how little control I have in life, yet I continue to fight for it. When confronted with my own powerlessness in any given situation, I want to at least be able to DO something, and worry seems to keep me busy and meet my anxious desire. 

 

In reality, however, I’ve been given much better options than worry. Meditation and prayer are powerful tools at my disposal for changing my own thinking and communing with the heart of God. Corrie Ten Boom, WWII concentration camp survivor and author of The Hiding Place, tells us, “Any concern too small to be turned upward into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.” Whatever burdens our hearts, regardless of how minor or major, can be taken to the throne of God, to which we have free access through Jesus.

 

A dear friend of mine told me once that a counselor encouraged her to use a very practical tool to break the habits of worry and anxiety in her life. He suggested choosing a coat from her closet and labeling it as her “worry coat.” Any time she wanted to worry, she could, as long as she first put on the coat and wore it the entire time she fretted over things. As my friend followed her counselor’s advice, feeling ridiculous each time she wore the coat and eager to end the habit so that she could take it off, she gradually realized how much control she had over her thoughts. With a bit of discipline and a visual tool, she saw a tremendous decrease in her worry.

 

This discipline comes with one of the greatest promises in all of Scripture: “Be anxious in nothing, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Phillippians 4:6-7, NIV). It’s such a powerful visual to think of peace literally sitting watch and guarding the door of our hearts and minds! 

 

A song by Jonathan David & Melissa Helser of Bethel Music assures us we are “No Longer Slaves” of fear, but instead, children of God. The lyrics beautifully remind us to claim that identity:

 

You unravel me with a melody, You surround me with a song

Of deliverance, from my enemies, Till all my fears are gone.

I’m no longer a slave of fear–I am a child of God.

 

May peace that surpasses understanding guard each of our hearts and minds today. As Sarah Williams said, “I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.”

The Present Nu…

sparrowsongLeave a comment

The more I journey into my adult life, the more I find that the past is something that has a strong grip on me. For better or worse, it has shaped me into the person I am today. Many memories, trained reactions, and wounds are hard to let go of. I’ve found that some are even woven into parts of my subconscious and nervous system. This way of being can in fact, be a place of exile. As author Leif Enger mentions in his novel Peace Like a River, “Exile is a country of shifting borders, hard to quit yet hard to endure, no matter your wide shoulders, no matter your toughened heart.” Though I know that it is only as I grow and learn to dwell in the present that I can embrace all that God has for me, it is quite a journey to learn how to do that. 

 

What a comfort to know that regardless of where I dwell–past, present, or future–God is with me. Psalm 46:1 states, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.” We often hear that God the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last. I recently read a quote by William Watley that emphasizes another aspect of His character: “You are connected to somebody who is not only the Alpha and the Omega, but the Nu as well. Alpha and omega are the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet; nu is the middle letter. Thus, Jesus is not only somebody who will be with us in the beginning….He abides with us in all that is between…in the middle.” 

 

God offers us His support in each moment of our lives simply through His presence. I ask, by His mercy, that I may learn to let go of the past and abide in the present with Him. Dominican singer and songwriter Juan Luis Guerra has a song called “Tan Solo He Venido/I Have Only Come,” which speaks to the author’s desire to commune with God. In it, he speaks to wanting to walk in the park with the Lord and have a conversation, just to be with Him and worship Him and know Him more, trusting God already knows the needs and petitions of His heart. Though at times I may get discouraged with the slow speed of my growth, it’s a consolation to find this level of companionship and comfort always waiting for me.

“DO IT AGAIN…”

sparrowsongLeave a comment

Though my family didn’t move to Colorado until I turned eight, having lived here thirty years this year, I consider myself very much a Colorado girl. Filled with more Fourteeners than any other state, Colorado’s high desert tundra, crystal mountain lakes, majestic sunrises and sunsets, alpenglow, and mystical mountains have “filled up my senses” countless times.

 

I’ve often wondered what it is about mountains that’s so captivating. They’re definitely a solid, seemingly immovable presence. They remind us there’s something and someone greater than us, greater than the obstacles we face each day. They invite and beckon to adventure, exploration, and challenge. They call us to see new beauty and summit the heights. And yet, as solid and unchanging as the mountains seem, Jesus tell us we can move them. “…Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20, NIV).

 

There are a few seasons of life that have been marked journeys of faith for me, times when God called me to believe something that seemed virtually impossible at the time. It required a long wait, a lot of growth, and an attitude of expectancy as I navigated the valleys and summited the peaks. Sometimes, the hoped-for result came. Sometimes not. Most often, the answer looked quite different than I anticipated. But always, always, God proved Himself faithful, and the greatest reward came from His presence on the journey. In reality, it wasn’t my faith that moved mountains. My Father God worked on my behalf to move them for me as I depended on Him.

 

Several things have shifted in my circumstances lately, or burst, perhaps, is a better word. So now, here I am, once again in another season of absolute need, desperate for my God to move. As many times as God’s done the impossible and shown Himself strong in my life, still, it requires more faith for me to believe He’ll do it again. I continue to allow my fear to be bigger than my faith. But as song artist Rita Springer says, “I have to believe that He sees my darkness. I have to believe that He knows my pain…. For He said that He’s forever faithful. He said He’s forever true. He said He can move mountains. He can move my mountains; He can move your mountains too. I have to believe.” Faith simultaneously transforms us and sustains us. In Isaiah, hundreds of years before Jesus came, God assures us, “…I will not forget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Your walls…are ever before me” (Isaiah 49:16). What I face, He faces…He has engraved me on the palms of His hands. He has always been faithful…He will be again. “I believe Lord, help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24).

 

There’s a song by Elevation Worship that’s been speaking to my heart, “DO IT AGAIN.” The lyrics state:

 

“Walking around these walls

I thought by now they’d fall

But You have never failed me yet

Waiting for change to come

Knowing the battle’s won

For You have never failed me yet

 

Your promise still stands

Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness

I’m still in Your hands

This is my confidence, You’ve never failed me yet

 

I know the night won’t last

Your Word will come to pass

My heart will sing Your praise again

Jesus, You’re still enough

Keep me within Your love

My heart will sing Your praise again

 

I’ve seen You move, come move the mountains

And I believe, I’ll see You do it again

You made a way, where there was no way

And I believe, I’ll see You do it again…”

 

Indeed. I have seen Him move mountains. And I do believe. I will see Him do it again. He has made a way where there was no way. Let’s believe we’ll see Him do it again.